The Good, The Bad & The Gray
Welcome to The Good The Bad and The Gray Podcast, a compass in life's labyrinth, shining a light on relationships, wellness, and personal growth. Join me as I share insights and interview diverse guests. Together, we'll discuss highs, lows, and the in-between, offering perspectives on health, career, and more. Tune in for candid conversations that peel back life's layers, revealing the good, the bad, and the gray with hues from light to dark.
The Good, The Bad & The Gray
Ch 2: Ep 6| Faith, Fear, and the Fog in Between Ft. Chrissy Phillips
Dr. Gray and Chrissy dive deep into the messy middle ground between unwavering faith and paralyzing fear. What happens in that foggy space where certainty dissolves and trust is tested?
Through personal stories and vulnerable reflections, they explore how doubt isn't necessarily the enemy of faith but often a necessary companion on the journey. Chrissy shares her experience being nicknamed "Doubting Thomas" by friends and how constantly questioning actually led to deeper conviction. Meanwhile, Dr. Gray reflects on surrendering his own carefully-crafted plans to embrace a greater purpose beyond himself.
The conversation takes a fascinating turn when they compare spiritual uncertainty to driving through fog - you can't see the destination clearly, but you continue moving forward with caution and trust. "The fog is a test, it's a pause, and it's also protection," they observe, noting how these uncertain seasons often produce the most significant growth.
Both hosts open up about moments when prayer felt ineffective and God seemed silent, revealing how presence rather than perfection ultimately bridges the gap. They challenge the notion that faith requires complete certainty, suggesting instead that authentic spirituality makes room for questions while still maintaining trust.
Whether you're questioning your faith, feeling stuck in uncertainty, or simply curious about navigating life's foggy seasons with greater clarity, this episode offers both comfort and practical wisdom. The hosts conclude with powerful advice they'd give their younger selves about faith - embracing emotional honesty with God and understanding that making mistakes is part of the journey, not a deviation from it.
What questions do you have about faith and doubt? Send them our way for future episodes as we continue exploring the good, the bad, and everything in between.
Welcome to the good, the bad and the great podcast, where we shine a light on wellness, personal growth and relationships. Together, we'll discuss highs and lows and the in-betweens, offering different perspectives on health and wellness. Tune in as we peel back the layers of life, revealing the good, the bad and the great. I'm your host, dr Gray. We have Chrissy back in the building. Chrissy P AKA.
Speaker 2:Christina.
Speaker 1:Christina? What else do they call you Coach?
Speaker 2:Chrissy Coach, chrissy Mom, auntie, sister Christina, what else did they call you Coach, chrissy Coach.
Speaker 1:Chrissy, mom, auntie, sister, nice. So from our last podcast, which I think we've had a lot of downloads from that podcast to serve, or not, surprisingly, wasn't me? I think it was me, yo, possibly. I think it was for sure you. I think you blessed us with your presence and whatever information you gave on the podcast. There's definitely some gems dropped. It was a good podcast.
Speaker 3:I really enjoyed it.
Speaker 1:To Serve or Not to Serve. Guys, if you haven't listened to it, check it out. That's episode three. Yeah it's our episode three in our second chapter. Just verifying that. Hey, renee, episode three right, right, right right.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's episode three.
Speaker 1:Okay, cool, cool. So, yeah, this podcast if you guys haven't, or you're first listeners, it's called the Good, the Bad and the Gray. The reason behind the meaning and the title of this podcast is I wanted to kind of dive a little bit deeper in the perspective of the gray area for a lot of people. I think a lot of people get lost in the fact of if they're, you know, good or bad, black and white, and I think a lot of people start in the middle but they don't know which side or the take, depending on their perspective and their upbringing. So, for me, let's have that conversation in the middle and maybe you drift to a certain side and maybe that's through fitness, maybe that's through mental health, maybe that's through coaching, maybe that's through spiritual or, you know, religion, whatever you're you're interested in, based off our topics. Um, yeah, so, chrissy, what's been going on with you?
Speaker 2:talk to us what has not been going on, oh wow um, today has been a long day. First, it started off with me doing a workout without my AirPods.
Speaker 3:Whoa. You know what I saw her. I said hello when your headphones at. I was like you're brave, so no, ma'am.
Speaker 2:Raw dog in a workout without headphones? No, ma'am.
Speaker 1:I had some good workouts with no headphones, but continue.
Speaker 2:I don't know. I have to have some headphones. I also just made a new workout playlist. I was super excited to play it and I just left my headphones at home.
Speaker 1:The devil truly was after me this morning like man he made you go to work with no music no music give us a brief, you know, synopsis of this, this playlist, like what's on it well it's.
Speaker 2:It's honestly a little bit of everything. So we got some some trap music, we got some nice r&b music, we got some classic beats up in there, some edm. You know just a little bit of everything. We got some christian rap up in there, some lecrae kb, um. So yeah, it's a. It's a nice mix of everything. You know, when I want to sprint, I got something to sprint to.
Speaker 2:When I want to iron out some, some weights and the squats- yeah we got something to listen to, so it's a good, good mix, you know it sounds rough like a leg day with no music is oh my gosh, it was so hard. I don't know how I made it through. I want to just go go back home, but you know we did it I was. It's my last workout for at least two weeks, whoa.
Speaker 1:RIP. Why is that?
Speaker 2:Because I'm going to Serbia tomorrow.
Speaker 1:Oh, okay, serbia.
Speaker 2:It's time for the mission trip. Okay, yeah, I'm excited, but also nervous at the same time, because I don't know what's going to entail in it, right? But you know, this year is the year of yes, the year of try different things. So we're going for it. We're trying everything.
Speaker 1:Okay, okay, the year of yes for you, the year of yes for me, after your eight year removal of your life, right the eight year.
Speaker 2:Right, we're starting fresh, but yeah, that's pretty much all that I've been up to. My dogs are at my parents' house.
Speaker 1:So it's been a quiet week. I did some much-needed cleaning.
Speaker 2:so the house is all nice and spick and span. Wow, I wish I could say the same thing.
Speaker 1:Sounds like somebody got some work to do. You have no idea. You've been in two places that well. Anyways, it's not about me, Right? Literally, it's not about me.
Speaker 2:Sounds like you got to unpack something, no.
Speaker 1:Well, I guess I'll do a quick update. Everything is good, great, actually Actually too great. What, yeah I mean? Well, I mean, it's just, how can I get this out?
Speaker 2:I think, You're on cloud nine.
Speaker 1:I'm on cloud nine. I'm seeing like a lot of the small details. And I'm on cloud nine, I'm seeing like a lot of the small details and I'm very like appreciative of like these moments, like small things, and I'm also getting a lot of feedback on some things that I really haven't like fully recognized. Like you know, I was at lunch with a colleague what last week and he's older you gentlemen, he's like he was in the military, he's maybe like in his 50s. We were having a conversation about something and I brought up like someone getting their doctorate with a CFD background. Cfd is computational fluid dynamics. For people that don't know much about that.
Speaker 3:It's like a lot of you know coding et cetera, okay, cool.
Speaker 1:And I was like man, like those, right, right. So your initial thought to that? I was like, yeah, man, people that get their PhD with that CFD background, they're completely like, they're super smart. But you know, I don't understand how they would go through that.
Speaker 1:He was like you do realize, people say the exact same thing about you. That he was like you do realize people say the exact same thing about you. And I was like what do you mean? It's like, bro, like not a lot of people do that. They have done what you're you have done. Uh, not a lot of people want to do it, but just for you to do it and be able to be who you are is it's huge. He said you need to wear that doctor a little bit more. He said I could tell when you walk in the room you're just like you're old, you're just your normal self. And he said you need to wear it because people, especially of your kind, he spoke he's like people, like young black man. They see other people boasting about where they are based off their you know, their rappers whatever they are he said, dude, you're a doctor.
Speaker 1:and he was like you need to walk in the room and and show them that, hey, I, I'm a doctor, I look like this, I speak like this, and it really gave me a whole like a schooling. I was like bro, it didn't dawn on me, like small moments have been happening where I've been like okay, whoa, but he hit me with it and I was like you know what he was, like man, wear it, it's going to inspire a lot of people. And I think you know, don't? He's like just don't play it down, play it like. I see you're doing it. And I was like dang, you know what Maybe these are.
Speaker 1:This is the moment that I need to kind of like, really stand on and I'm slowly, like, slowly getting there in terms of like just leading with it. So, you know, the youth, or you know kids, are getting ready to go to high school and need someone to look up to. They can say, hey, wow, dr Gray looks just like me and he is an engineering, and he's a thermal engineer, to be exact. He's done X, y and Z. I can do that. I think a lot of those moments have been happening recently and I'm like man, my biggest, and I'll make this short because I get long-winded for some reason.
Speaker 1:but very the biggest thing for me is, though, is like, and I think that the theme for this month is how do I give what I've been blessed with back?
Speaker 1:yeah and that's like knowledge, that's, um, finances, that's all these different type of things that are there being pouring in, that are pouring in. How do I pour them back? And yeah, that's my biggest thing and I think I'm in this moment of figuring it out and I think, slowly, I'm finding that direction, obviously because I know who I'm led by at this point. So it's no more, it's no ego or anything like that. So, yeah, biggest point right now for me is to how do I give what I've been blessed with back?
Speaker 2:Yeah, so yeah, that's good Cool, thank you, I like it. Yeah, you can also wear your doctorate shirt, so you can wear it well.
Speaker 1:All the time you know Really.
Speaker 2:You gotta wear it well.
Speaker 1:Isn't that? Like you know, I got a doctor. But if they do ask, I think people are not going to realize. They're not going to think I have it in engineering. They're going to be like, oh, he's got a doctor in something else. Business, yeah, but business.
Speaker 2:Communication.
Speaker 1:Which there's no shade to anyone.
Speaker 3:Okay, because I thought you were going to say music. No, music is good.
Speaker 1:Psychology is good. Honestly, if I wasn't an engineer, I would have definitely been a psychologist.
Speaker 2:I think you would have been a great one.
Speaker 1:I would have been a psychologist. All right, cool. This is enough about.
Speaker 3:I got to tell you about yourself, because I don't appreciate you accepting what the man told you and I told you on episode one yeah yeah, yeah. Of chapter two.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:You're a doctor, Like how many. How many times have I said that I guess you just had to get hooded.
Speaker 2:Yeah, the hood, the hood, the hood.
Speaker 1:I was like, yo, I really am a doctor now, right, Right, I appreciate that. I think, like I said, I don't know. I've never been a boastful person. I never bragged about anything I've accomplished. I've always worked extremely hard. So when I've done something, even in the gym, classroom, financial, business-wise I've never like said, okay, cool, let me show the world what I have done. It's always been like, oh cool, I did it. What's next, you know? So that is something I do want to give back to people and we'll do a podcast breaking that down, that mindset, because I think it's something else I've realized. You know, just reflecting on those moments, what I've used to keep me going and I think you asked me that and we'll talk about that again. What's the topic of today? It's nothing about weed, hey that's it, Renee, oh my.
Speaker 1:God, Sorry you guys. What's the topic of today?
Speaker 2:Today, y'all are going to be talking about faith, fear and the fog in between, which I love that, because you're about to go on a mission trip, I know so fitting right here in the fog in between. When you hear that, what do you?
Speaker 3:think about.
Speaker 2:I think about a lot of like being on the fence of faith. So you know you, you have your faith, but then you sometimes can be rooted in a lot of doubt. Um, I know, for like a good first part of my faith journey, I was rooted in a lot of doubt, like my friends nicknamed me Doubting Thomas.
Speaker 1:Really.
Speaker 2:Yes, it was that bad and honestly, like I can honestly attest to say, yeah, I was Doubting Thomas, I was Doubting Chrissy, doubted everything, like there was no way that God could do something for me. And it was for me. Yeah, that's what I think about, wow the fog.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think when I hear it, I think about you know, doubt as well, but more than anything, the fear of of surrendering yeah when I hear the faith, fear and the fog in between, fear stands out a little bit more because I think a lot of people live in that fear of not the of the unknown right, something they don't see. So it's kind of difficult to to have trust in something that you don't see man, you know and I think that goes into a lot of how you know, religion, spiritualism.
Speaker 1:Everything is shifting. Now. A lot of people are moving towards more, towards the faith. A lot of people are, you know, compartmentalizing certain parts of it and saying I don't want to deal with this, this, and that this is what I like the best, and that's the fog in between. It's trying to figure out what is what. Yeah, um, but yeah, when? When I hear it, I think fear stands out, because I can see a lot of people that are struggling with, you know, believing in something that they don't see.
Speaker 1:They don't know that they feel like, because a lot of people, to be honest, they will believe in the dollar before they believe in anything else. Right, because they can feel the dollar. Right, they can see it Because they can feel the dollar.
Speaker 2:They can see it. I mean, I remember a time, specifically, where I would literally just question if God was actually real, like I was a Christian I've been a Christian all my life but it was times where I was just like there's no way that God's real. Like scientifically, can you really prove that God is real. Or like when something happens it's like wait, this doesn't really make sense. Even sometimes when I read the Bible, I'm like this don't really seem like it could actually happen. Like could someone actually part the Red Sea right in the middle and let people walk through Crazy right, crazy work? But then you know, when you really think about it, like that's just faith, Like faith is something that you just believe in, whether you see it or not, and you just got in, whether you see it or not, and you just gotta trust it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I agree. Uh, I think for me like coming up and also being an academic, being like that mindset of science first you do question like, is this real? Like you know science, I think for a long time science and religion have like battled each other and, to be quite frank, I think a lot of it. Now, if you're, stutter, studying it a little bit more, you starting to see there's some correlation and I think you know more scientists, more people, and feel quantum mechanics.
Speaker 1:If you guys and I'm big- in quantum mechanics whatever but gracious I've actually just started reading this book because I got time. Obviously, all the time does he really have time about quantum mechanics and consciousness. I do have time. What are you talking about? Excuse me, look, I've literally I thought I'd never do this after after my doctor. I thought I'd never do this after my doctor is. Teach myself something else. Now I'm like, literally I bought like 3 or four books on quantum mechanics and I'm diving deep into it nerd.
Speaker 2:I'm so excited for this quantum mechanics podcast episode. I'm so sick of it yeah, we're gonna have like segments.
Speaker 1:Oh, we're gonna have segments. I think a lot of people don't listen to science or don't, you know, really pay attention to science, but it's a lot of things that are very interesting and that you know. If you understand it and you can apply certain principles and theories to like real life, it would blow your mind, okay.
Speaker 3:You're so excited, I know right.
Speaker 1:Because this is, this is something, okay, all right, cool.
Speaker 3:Oh, we're not even talking about science right now. What are we talking about? Cool, calm down the faith theory.
Speaker 1:So back to that.
Speaker 1:Back to our topic. I think you know my point was, like I got into this realm of, like academic and I would always question things and my mom, like when she was bringing us up, always pushes into the church but I've always, like, I was always apprehensive, like you know hold on, like, and then when I got in college, I tested that a lot more like mom you know, I don't know about xyz, if you read this, this says this but scientifically this doesn't make sense and and I could tell, like, her frustrations. But she always stayed in her faith, like I couldn't say anything to her to discourage her from what she knew, no matter how smart she or intelligent she thought I was. So, um, I think I challenged it a lot growing up, but now it's a little bit more, you know, it flows a little bit better, I understand it a little bit more. I think once you get to that point of surrender, which we'll talk about a little bit later, you get a better understanding of what is going on and what faith truly is.
Speaker 3:So, on the fog, do you feel like doubt is a betrayal of faith, or is it a part of the process?
Speaker 2:You know, I used to think that it was a betrayal of faith until I read something.
Speaker 2:I can't remember what I read, but it was just like God wants us to bring our doubts to him because that's a way for him to come in and just show what he can do.
Speaker 2:There's been so many times, like I mentioned, me doubting God, whether he's real, or whether something could happen in my life or he could do something for me or whatever it may be, and he has come in and just really shown me like I hear you, I see you, like he is truly the God of El Roy, which means God sees me. And so there was like a moment specifically I'm losing my voice today there was a moment specifically where I was praying to God for something to happen, for him to just like remove something, or it was something I can't remember exactly what it was and months went by, years went by, and then all of a sudden it happened and I was just like wait, I remember writing this down in my journal like X amount of years ago, and I was just like God actually does see me, he actually does hear me, like he, he knows me truly, and it was one of the.
Speaker 2:It was kind of like my aha moment of like, wow, I could doubt God, but I know that all the time he's going to come through for me and show me who he is, because he is the God of the impossible and he can do anything and that right there just kind of solidified my trust in him and helped me kind of surrender a little bit more to to, to what he has and what he wants to do through me and in my life, or whatever it may be wow, it's nice dr gary who do you feel like doubt is a betrayal of faith, or is it a part of the process?
Speaker 1:I think it's a part of the process.
Speaker 1:Um, I think in the beginning, and kind of like what I was, you know, alluded to earlier, like tangible and intangible things, like you're going to doubt those things that you don't see If you can't feel it in your hands, like a lot of times you're going to be like it's not real and it's also because you're not in tune with yourself and things of that nature.
Speaker 1:But I think it's a part of the process because in the beginning, just like you know they can't be good without bad, you know they can't be light without dark, so they can't be doubt without you know, faith. So I think at certain points you're going to be there in that doubting aspect or that doubting process and that come to Jesus moment, you know and man pun intended, because we, we got some stuff coming with that but that come to Jesus moment is going to be like whoa, it is going to make you feel so much more fulfilled and once you're there, then you'll feel like, okay, I know where I'm at and yeah, so I I think doubt is definitely a part of the process for sure.
Speaker 3:So faith requires certainty, but you also have questions. So they like coexist yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:What's your opinion on?
Speaker 3:it. What's my opinion? I, I, I think about it and I'm like, if if you're supposed to have faith, then there should be no doubt. But I know that I don't think that it's anything wrong to have doubt. It's just in the doubt. You know that in the back of your mind. You know that whatever it is that you're waiting on, whatever it is that you have faith in, that's going to work out. You know it's going to work out. It may look like it's not a current situation in life.
Speaker 3:Like it may seem like it's not, and sometimes the parts move slowly. They're not going to move fast, they're going to move and they're going to move slowly. And eventually you realize it's like once, once everything happens, you're like dang, I kind of feel bad.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:For assuming that it wasn't going to work out like I kind of knew it was. But it was that small part of me that made me feel like it wasn't and it makes you feel a little bad about the situation, just thinking that it wasn't going to work out, even though it does. So I think that it kind of coexists to like you can have faith with a little doubt.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Like, going back to what you said earlier about supposed to have certainty, like, do you think that's something that comes from just like culture or society? When they're like, oh, if you're a Christian or if you're a person of faith, like why are you down in God? Why are you not trusting God?
Speaker 3:like you're supposed to have this perfect faith, yeah, and this is a part of the way we've been taught or how we've grown up. But I'm glad that I have my own mind and you know, even if to other people it may seem bad that I have a little doubt, he doesn't think of me any other type of way because of my doubt. I'm still a child of God.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 3:Amen. So let's kind of move into mental health meets spirituality, have you? Ooh, I like this. I was going to ask a different one have you ever prayed and felt nothing? Oh, yes, of course.
Speaker 2:And what did you do For me? Like, coming from someone that is quote unquote on the prayer team and like is gifted in prayer, um, I got to a point in my faith where I just really felt like God didn't hear my prayers about myself, but he would hear my prayers about other people. It kind of got hard for me to pray for things that I was seeking God for and I just had to have like a realization, like pretty much a heart to heart conversation with God, and I was just pretty vulnerable with him and I was like, look, I see you doing stuff for other people and you're not doing anything for me. What is going on? Like, are you mad at me? Do you not hear me? Like I just got real raw because I was just like I need to know, like what is going on.
Speaker 2:Because it just felt like my prayers were hitting the ceiling and then coming right back down at me. But I think after I kind of just had that breakthrough moment and just was super vulnerable with God things, just it was just kind of like a shift. Also, when you don't hear God, you're probably not reading your Bible a lot, because the voice of God is your word. So I realized that the moments where I wasn't really hearing God or wasn't really feeling like anything was happening, it was the moments when I never picked up my Bible and I was just going through life, going through everyday motions. But then when I would open up the Bible, um, and I was just going through life going through everyday motions, um but then when I would open up the Bible, when I would pick it up, read it, that's when things were like jumping out at me and I was like, oh, okay, yeah, so you do hear me, so you're the reason that he was silent with your prayers.
Speaker 3:Right Okay, right yeah, yeah, yeah literally Right right.
Speaker 2:So, like there's been I mean still to this day like I still have moments where I feel like God doesn't hear my prayers, but at the end of the day, I know that he hears me, I know that he's working something, whether it's going to take a year, whether it's going to take a week, whether it's going to take a day, whatever it may be, I know that he was received it. Um, sometimes the answer comes back as something that I wasn't really looking for, but it was the answer that I needed. Um, and I think that also comes to play when you feel like you're praying but then God doesn't do anything. But he is doing something. It's just not looking like the way that you want it to be.
Speaker 2:Um, and I think that's what a lot of people will say oh, god doesn't hear me, god doesn't see me. Whenever I pray, nothing's happening. But then it's like when you really take a step back and look at it, he is actually working. It's just not in the way that you thought he was going to do it or you expected him to do, or what you want. It. That's a big one, is what you wanted, yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, question.
Speaker 3:You.
Speaker 1:Well, go ahead and ask your question. I think I'm going to take a different route. Have you ever prayed and felt nothing? Yes, however, I think what I realize is that prayer doesn't work without presence. Um, and I could say that a thousand times, people can hear that a thousand times, but still not know what that means. What I mean, presence and and this is the hard part I had to realize, like kind of like you're alluding to, like you were praying and nothing was happening, but actually something was happening. Right, we're just what we, you just wasn't present to the moment.
Speaker 1:Yeah, um, when I started and this is like my journey a couple years ago, when I started, well, a year ago, when I started to actually be super present to every moment as I was praying, I would, I would see the small details and the opportunities that would present themselves that would open up to that thing that I prayed for or that area that I prayed for. So for me, it was almost like oh, I get it now. Like it's not about wanting something so much and hoping for it in that exact instance and receiving it, because it doesn't happen that way, because, honestly, if you're praying for it, it may come in a form of a message that you weren't expecting. It may come in a connection with a person that you didn't know that may connect you with another person. So for me, just being present or praying and having presence has like literally been one of the most supernatural moments ever in my life. Like now and this is probably like weird for anybody here but I've like certain things I stopped praying for because I've seen so much things happening.
Speaker 1:I'm like, okay, I don't know if I want that to happen right now. I don't know if I want this, because I know it's going to come some form of fact. Maybe I shouldn't pray for that but cause everything else. Everything else that I've been like literally praying for and I've been present to, it's been put in my proximity. What's the story of Ruth and Boaz, where essentially God put them in the same proximity when the prayer was made and they, you know they were in their same proximity, so they had to meet at that point. So I think, even in terms of what you're wishing for, in terms of, like you know, maybe it's something financial, maybe it's finishing your career, maybe it's, you know, completing a task and you're praying for, or somebody in good health, you have to be super present to the moment, because something will present itself and if you're not present, you're going to to miss it what are some ways that you stay present for those?
Speaker 1:moments, man, in the morning I I do some movement, meditation, and essentially and essentially, that's like praise time for me, like I'm literally like you guys think it's so funny, but it's real, it's real, though.
Speaker 2:I did that this morning it has worked.
Speaker 1:it has worked in terms of regulating my emotions for the day, so where I can completely be clear what's in front of me, like for let me give you a prime example like if, if I'm in the morning, if I'm just like if I get up I grew up to go through my day without it I can miss a extra 10 seconds with having 10 seconds of having a conversation with someone that may open up a door for something else. But if I slow down in the morning, in the morning I start extremely slow. I slow down, I open everything up and then I can go throughout the day without rushing a certain moment, and then I'll have this weird feeling and say, hey, extra 15 seconds here, and then something happens where I get an opportunity to serve and then it opens up a bigger door, like it. Just those different type of things have happened and I'm an experimentalist, like I'm an actual researcher, so I've taken data.
Speaker 1:So, as I'm doing these things, I'm like, okay, maybe if this data set is showing that, huh, the more I do this and the more I'm present, more opportunities are happening. The less I do this and the more I'm present, more opportunities are happening. The less I do this, the less I'm present, nothing is happening and I'm more frustrated. But yeah, so yeah, I think for me in the morning, preparing myself by just doing some form of movements meditation and that is like when I say movement meditation, I'm like literally focusing on my emotions, my regulations, how I can increase the joy I think I said this in the last podcast like being able to kind of like build the capacity of my joy in the morning really helps, because that energy is like you said in one of the podcasts, is affections, like people feel it and they're like Whoa, what is, what is this? And I'm like I don't know. But you can have some.
Speaker 2:Share that energy with us. I got it and I'm like I don't know but you can share that energy with us.
Speaker 1:I got it, um, and I don't. I don't get burnt out, but I think it's important for me in the morning. Do you have anything that you do, I think?
Speaker 2:for me. Um, on a good day, I started off with my Bible just reading a verse, um, either before the gym or after the gym. I've also realized that whenever I do actually spend some time reading my Bible in the morning time, that's going to be a day where people are going to need me a whole lot more. And I, I, I'm, I'm like you, I'm experimentalist. Um, so I've done the experiment of okay, let's start the day with reading the Bible, and then that day, something happens where I have to, like, give somebody an encouraging word, or I have to be there for somebody, whether it's actually physically being there for them or being there for them in prayer or whatever it might be. Um, and then there's a day where I'm like, okay, you know what? We're not going to read the Bible today. We might just read like a verse or something. We won't spend like our hour long session with God, um, and then that's just a day where nothing really happens.
Speaker 2:It's kind of weird, but I know that, um, when I do spend that time in the morning where I'm reading the Bible and I'm praying and I'm worshiping, um, that God is filling me up so that I can extend my faith to somebody else.
Speaker 2:Like in in the book of James, it talks about how, um, faith without works is dead, um, and because that is our faith is not just our own faith, it's actually for the people and for God, like we were called to actually be hands and feet of Jesus so that we can go out there and serve other people, whether it's taking somebody out to lunch, or whether it's praying for somebody, whether it's just picking something up or, you know, opening the door for somebody, because people will see your faith through the works that you do. And you know, just reading the book of James, this these couple of weeks has just been kind of eye-opening for me in a sense, and kind of just revitalizing my faith, especially as I get ready to go to Serbia, because it's much needed, because I'm going to be out there serving and being the hands and feet of Jesus.
Speaker 1:I do have a question I want to pose, and this is going to be actually a left question. So, in terms of your vision for your life, like, do you trust your vision or are you trying to control the outcome?
Speaker 2:I think I used to try to control the outcome because I was someone that was like a type A planner. So I played, planned everything from the get go and like I just think the last two years, my all my plans that I've made have kind of just unraveled and now I'm to the point where I'm like you know what, we're just not gonna plan anything. Like I have no vision for my life anymore because whatever I plan, whatever I try to do, it's not the vision that God has for me. Um, like coming to to UA for school, I started out athletic training and then I went to my second clinical rotation and I had this sick feeling in my stomach like this was not where I was supposed to be. And I didn't know what it was because I was kind of just like fresh, to like experiencing a real relationship with God. Um, so I didn't know that, oh, maybe this might be God in the background saying this is not where I want you to go, so let's pivot. But I was just like you know what, I don't feel like I should be here anymore. So then that's when I changed my major to exercise science on the pre-PT track, so I was planning on going to physical therapy school after I graduated, but then, as you can see, that didn't happen either.
Speaker 2:And now we're here for a master's in clinical psychology, which I never thought I would ever go into mental health because I used to not believe in therapy, like I didn't believe go into a counselor, I didn't believe, like you know, people who had anxiety or depression were actually having anxiety and depression. So I don't necessarily trust the vision that I have for my life. I trust the vision that God has for my life and I think the last two years has kind of shown me what that vision is, um, and and I'm still like learning what that vision is and what that path is that he wants me to be on Um. But I'm no longer controlling the outcome anymore, because whatever I try to control never, never goes as planned. And so at this point we're no longer a type A planner, we are a all right God.
Speaker 2:What's the? What are we doing today? Where? Where am I going? Who are you bringing me to talk to? Who? Who am I supposed to go? And you know, share the gospel with? Or who am I supposed to love? Who am I even supposed to cut out of my life so that I can pursue the calling and the path that he wants me to take. And you know, that has just been an eye-opening experience in itself. Is, you know, having people removed from my life that I thought I was going to have forever, like literally half of my bridal party that I was going to have in my wedding. I don't even talk to those people anymore.
Speaker 2:Oh, that's insane, and that is just so wild, because you know I plan for these people to be my people for years after, and now it's just completely different. So yeah, don't trust the outcome, don't trust the vision. It's whatever God has for me, whatever he has planned for me.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So the reason I ask that question is and the more detailed question you answer is like basically, is your faith, you know, an attempt to control the future?
Speaker 2:Because you're uncertain right.
Speaker 1:For me I was similar in that point where I was always a visionary. I'm still a visionary to this day in terms of what I can see. I think I've been very I've been blessed to kind of see visions, see other people's visions, nurture those visions, and what I mean by visions is like what they can see for themselves. And I think the important piece you kind of hit on is like is not yours, like you have to give that up. And I think what I've realized is coming to this process of your. You know you start with that dream, then you have that vision, but once you truly like surrender, you have direction and you, everything you just described in that the back end part was a direction, that path right, kind of like. Uh, I don't know if you guys know much about physics force, time, magnitude or whatever. All right, cool, we're not getting that. But but for me, once you have that path and you surrender, you have direction yeah and direction looks like.
Speaker 1:For me, it looks like, uh, you present, but also you're being led by something greater than your own personal you know, needs and thoughts and things of that nature. It's more of like, okay, this feels right. Right, so I'm going to make this decision and I think for any man, and especially men and women as well, but men specifically our decision-making skills should definitely come for something much bigger than our, much greater than ourselves. And I think for me, that's where I'm at now, and I'm not saying I'm the best decision-maker in the world, but I know my decisions now are no longer backed by what Justin wants to see happen in the future, no longer backed by financial goals, no longer backed by, you know, taking over the world, which would be so great because it's possible, for sure it's going to happen one day, know, taking over the world, which would be so great uh because it's possible, for sure it's gonna happen one day
Speaker 1:um, it's, it's, they're backed by something much greater than me and and that's why I kind of alluded to earlier is like I get these moments of like okay, here's a question. And this question just poses itself how do you give back what you're blessed with? Yeah, and that's where I'm at now and I'm like oh cool, okay, so this is my, this is the task, the assignment. Now, now I have to figure out this assignment, because I've been given this assignment and now this is what I'm going to execute. It's no more, it's no longer like oh cool, how do I make two million dollars? Okay, how I make 20 million, how do I make 200 million dollars? So, yeah, I think for me, I think is is you know, what I'm doing is no longer attempt to control my future or control the outcome of where I want to be, it's more just following the direction that I'm being led into.
Speaker 3:So, yeah, so you don't have a plan, but you know you have a purpose.
Speaker 2:I do yeah.
Speaker 3:Okay, just wanted to clarify. Yeah, and so you've made peace with not?
Speaker 2:have you made peace with not having clarity, like not really knowing specifically, I think yeah, I had to have a funeral for my, my plans and for the life that I imagined that I was gonna have.
Speaker 2:And I think once I had that funeral for that, that plan and that life, things kind of just started opening up. And that's when I realized like, oh, there is actually someone that is much higher than I, that knows a lot more. Like I always say, whenever I start doubting God, I always say why would I not trust the author of my story? Why am I not trusting the person that has the pencil that is literally writing every single detail? Like I don't have the writing abilities to write my own story, so why am I trusting myself as opposed to trusting God with whatever he has for me? And I think so. Whenever I start doubting, I just continue to remind myself why are you not trusting the author of your story? Because you know I'm not God, nor do I want to be God, because I don't want to hear everybody's problems. Hello, so it's just like why are you doubting so much and not trusting the person that is writing your journey, your story, your path?
Speaker 3:Yeah, I know you got some faith, because them eight years baby, oh that's a long time it's a long time that's a whole life. That's like almost an entire decade yes, literally literally yeah it's crazy work.
Speaker 2:I know that faith is strong but, honestly, I would do it all over again though you said that I would do it all over again because I think, where I'm at now in my life, I'm much happier. I have a sense of purpose, um, I know, like, granted, I don't know what the actual plan is, um, in a sense, things are slowly being revealed, but but I don't have the, the end goal, the end picture, and I, honestly, I find it kind of fun knowing, not knowing, because it makes me stress less, um, it makes me worry about it less. I mean, you know you would think you would stress a little bit more, but honestly, like it has, it has given me a sense of comfort, um, not having to have everything all planned out, not having to know what my next step is. I have less gray hair because of all that. So I I think that is why I would do it all over again.
Speaker 2:Like, granted, the heartbreak was horrible, um, the everything that I had planned for myself in the trash, like nothing, nothing going back.
Speaker 2:But honestly, I think it was.
Speaker 2:It was much needed and it has truly brought me so much joy and peace, knowing that, man, I could have had this so much, like years, years, years ago, but I think it took all that happening so that I can get to this place where I'm at, and now I have the ability to be a vessel for others and tell them my story so that I can help them not go through eight years of idleness and complacency and I can help them in their journey so that they can get to where they are, so that they can have a stronger faith, so that they can know that they have a purpose and a calling that God has for them.
Speaker 2:So, you know, hate, it had to be me, but I'm glad that, um, I had that opportunity to kind of just grow in that, so that I can be a vessel for others, so that, like my college girls, I can share my story with them, so that I can protect them and protect their hearts, um, from going through the pain that I went through. But, granted, you know, sometimes you might have some of them that are just going to do whatever they want to do, and you know some people just have to fall. But at the end of the day, I'm going to be there to support you and I'm going to be there to speak life over you. But you know just, you just got to learn like I learned, that's my number one irritation with like heartbreak or whatever is the time.
Speaker 2:Right Like.
Speaker 3:I could have been doing something else with my time.
Speaker 2:I know and I spent it with you Right, literally, and it got me nowhere. Literally, but it's okay, no yeah, I do the same thing.
Speaker 3:I work at a school so I try to. Hey, you might not want to do that Right.
Speaker 2:Y'all need to separate. Y'all spending too much Literally.
Speaker 3:I try I try. All we can do is try, because at the end of the day, honestly, they're adults, so they're going to have to end up learning their own lessons.
Speaker 2:Another thing that I've been repeating to myself especially lately is your decisions do not affect my life.
Speaker 1:There, you go.
Speaker 2:And that has bought me so much peace. Whenever somebody does something crazy says something crazy, or they're like I'm gonna do, I'm gonna go jump off the bridge, I said you know what, if that's what you want to do, do it, but at the end of the day, your decision does not affect my life I know, so have fun, wow yeah that's good.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's good.
Speaker 3:I guess you just yo, you have a plan. Are you a planner for your own life?
Speaker 1:oh, I used to be. I used to be, but now it's like you know, I I want to kind of repeat what she said, but it's now. I'm more focused on just listening. What do you have for me?
Speaker 3:um yeah, you said you running through all the open doors. Oh yeah, I yeah for sure. What's what y'all saying against this year?
Speaker 1:I think for me, though, like the biggest thing and I hear a lot of men kind of talk about like being a man, like, oh, people, women talk about men being men of God Like, oh, is he a man of God? Is he a man of God? And I really reflected on that phrase, and I think for me I can't say that, I can say I'm a child of God. Now, the reason I say that is because, you know, I think in his eyes obviously it says it's in the Bible like we're all children.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:So I think, for me, in order for me to truly be surrendered and be led, you know, by his direction, is me being a child.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And for me, I think the biggest thing, the biggest part of letting go of control and I said this a lot last year I was like man, I'm finally letting go of control was me actually literally like putting down whatever Justin wanted to do and like reaching my hand out and just following, just like, okay, all right, where we going? Oh, this is what it is.
Speaker 2:Oh cool, we're going here what are some practical ways that? You kind of surrendered that control like how did. How did you work through that?
Speaker 1:I think. Ultimately, I say service is big reason being because a lot of times we're so caught up in self.
Speaker 3:And.
Speaker 1:I think deep down at our core we're meant to serve in some form Right. So for me I had to really embrace service.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:So what I mean by that and I don't want to go back over our last pot, but I literally would just practice like a muscle serving, like, okay, cool, how does this look? Well, being in a moment, allowing someone to you know to be present, be present with them and, if I can see a serving moment, provide that service, don't want anything in return, don't ask for anything in return. And I started to see like, as I was more working and doing those things, I would feel like, okay, cool, like this feels good. Why does this feel? Why have I not been doing this for the longest? It's because I've been so caught up in self, so caught up in trying to be here, there.
Speaker 1:Man, career-wise, you've reached all those goals and you know, I think for a lot of people, I was blessed not to, kind of like, be addicted to social media because I got off of it in the right time, right. But I see so many other people like they're like measuring themselves and their success based off what they see other people do, especially people they went to school with. Yeah, for me I'm going to be honest, like I don't keep up with those individuals. Like you know, if someone calls, then cool, we can talk, but I'm not tracking your social media to see what you've been doing and what you've been up to, and it's not because I don't want to know, it's just because I feel like I'm not present. If I do that, I feel like once I do that, I take myself out of the present moment and yeah, so I think practically I typically just been working on just serving, like really in the service moment. What about you?
Speaker 2:I think for me, like it kind of comes down to laying down social media. Like you mentioned, I spent about two years off of social media and I realized that was the healthiest I've ever been. Like thought-wise, spiritual-wise, emotional wise um laying down social media, because social media is just, it is an endless door funnel. Whatever of comparison oh man and I knew like after the breakup it was like wedding central everybody was getting married everybody.
Speaker 2:Like it got to the point where one day I woke up and I was like, okay, the universe is just mocking me at this point and like that was like fresh after and it just I just had to get off of it. Yeah, I had to go be by myself. I started reading books more. I started watching um more like motivational, like speaking, so that I could grow my faith. So I think for me it was just kind of distancing myself from the world, like that verse that says you're not conformed to the ways of the world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. So that was just kind of my thing was just separating myself from the world so that I can actually hear God, connect to God, so that I can surrender and lay down that control.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I think you're like, literally in faith, fear and the fog in between, because the fog makes you be a little bit more dependent yeah, yeah, say yeah and I think you're like you. You're in all places, you're omnipresent.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:You know that is such a big thing to say. Like I am Scientifically.
Speaker 1:Right, Scientifically, you just said something there.
Speaker 2:Go ahead yeah you did, but it's okay, I like it. But for me, like being able to depend on God is just the biggest thing I could have ever achieved, because I'm such an independent person.
Speaker 3:I've had so many people tell me that I'm too independent.
Speaker 2:It's so, I know right, but it's honestly not good to be that independent, though that I've learned, yeah, wait did I say all my?
Speaker 1:was it all my independent?
Speaker 3:Wait, did I say all my independent.
Speaker 1:That's Boosie. Oh, it's Boosie. That's crazy work. Okay, okay, I'm going to church when I'm there, that's a flesh, oh man, but yeah, I've learned that
Speaker 2:it is not good to be like a hardcore independent person, because God calls us to be dependent on him. So if I'm independent, I don't need God. And so I had to learn that, and it was. It was a hard lesson to learn, because I'm someone that does not like to depend on anybody, whether it's a man, whether it's my family, whether it's God Because I'm like, let me just do this by myself. I know what's right for my life and I know what I want to do and I know where I want to go. But it took me having to get to the point where I had to depend, like I had to depend on God, to the point where I was like I have nothing else, I have nothing else to look to, I have nothing else to to lean on, and I just I just had to turn to God because either if, if I didn't, I was probably going to be at the bottom of the black warrior river, yeah, and I don't like river water and I don't like river water.
Speaker 2:So it got. I had to learn like being independent. Yes, it's good, but it comes with an extent. You have to learn how to be dependent on God before you can learn how to be independent, because you will take that and you'll. It'll go to an extreme, to where you're like, all right, god, I don't need you anymore. And at that point you're it'll go to an extreme, to where you're like, all right, god, I don't need you anymore, and at that point you're just lost yeah dr gray what's the question?
Speaker 3:well, I feel like you're also in that same space of like only present fit. Yeah, but I don't want to use that word anymore I don't know.
Speaker 1:I for me, there's no more fog in between. Okay, so the fog in between for me and this is probably the only thing I really still, I think I still struggle with is, you know, the people that are, let me say, faking their faith. I really struggle with other people Like myself I feel like I'm okay with in terms of I know, you know what I'm led by, I know what to trust in. But when I'm around people that are saying they're doing the things or they're forcing something and it doesn't feel genuine, that's what I struggle with. Like, how do I operate with these individuals If I feel like I mean, maybe their intentions are good, but they don't believe what they're saying. They're only saying what it sounds, what sounds good and what they think I want to hear?
Speaker 2:Give us an example.
Speaker 1:Um, example Oof. I mean, I got a couple of different examples. I think one that pops out now is just like examples.
Speaker 3:I think one that pops out now is just, like you know, um someone that I don't want to name any names, but yeah, no, I think, I think, no, I think I think it's big in terms for me.
Speaker 1:Like you know the practice, what you preach, especially when it comes to like you know your faith, like if you don't do that, I'm not going to gravitate much to you. Yeah, but also I understand, like I can't. I do know that I can't lean on my own understanding. I can't say, okay, well, this person's bad because they're doing xyz. Maybe they're trying to figure it out, but their personal life is. You know, something's happening in their personal life that's hindering from them from actually really believing what they're saying.
Speaker 1:This could be something emotionally, something trauma-based that they're dealing with, I guess. For a brief example, there's someone I've been kind of like back and forth with and one of my right now. They're a close friend and they do a lot of preaching, right, but a lot of the preaching is emotional and I can tell it's emotional. But I also and I speak on service a lot when you serve someone, you learn their strength and you learn their weaknesses. That's why it's important when you have friends you do take that position of service so you can really know what they value, because that form of service is going to tell you everything you know about that person.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so for me, I took, I took the position of serving okay, cool, what do you need me to do? How can I help? I don't need anything in return. How can I help? And I started to see like there are a lot of selfish desires behind. You know things, and there are a lot of emotional led decisions.
Speaker 1:And for me it's like wait, but you're preaching this way, you're teaching this way, but none of your actions line up with this and that fog. There's like how do I, how do I express these? You know, how do I talk to this person about this? How do I address this? Or is it even my position to address that?
Speaker 1:And I think we alluded to this in the last podcast like a lot of sometimes serving in the moment is not going to be the person that you enjoy serving to. Sometimes it's a lesson for you, but also it may be a lesson for them, not in the moment, but down the road, when they look back on that service that you provided for them. Yeah, for me that's been big and I think you know I pray about it, like, how do I like? You know, thank you for the opportunity. My prayer is always, you know, surrounded by gratitude. You know, thank you for me being able to have this conversation with him.
Speaker 1:Me being able to have this conversation with him and I think, yeah, I think the fog in between for me has always been that other people that express their faith and express teaching, express man, can quote the Bible word for word. I can't do that and I said I don't want to do that. It's like I can't do that, but you see, people do it and you're like whoa, okay, but their actions say something completely different. How about you? Oh, okay, but they actually say something completely different. How about?
Speaker 2:you. What is your fog in between right now? What is my fog in between right now? I think my fog in between is just really learning how to lean in and trust. So when it comes down to, I mean yeah. So when it comes down to, I mean yeah. So a lot of what I have a problem with trusting is my future, like granted, yeah. Right now I'm in a place where I'm not necessarily laying out plans for my life, like I don't have a plan to say, you know next month I'm going to move to X, y and Z place.
Speaker 2:Yeah, or you know I'm going to be in this job for X, y and Z months or whatever. But it's just like what is the long term at the end of the day, and trusting that God is going to really carry me to the long term of the desires that I have for my heart or the, the wants that I want for myself or just any of that sorts like. I trust God, but sometimes there's still a little bit of that doubt that that creeps in yeah and I'm just like do I need to step in and do some work here?
Speaker 1:That's a good question. Like at what point? Like are you like? Are you, you know, when people say, oh, I'm going to manifest this? Stuff like, at what point do you put in the work? You know?
Speaker 3:Yeah, I think you know Faith without work.
Speaker 2:Exactly it is. It is so for me, like I think you know, you, you initiate, you take that first step and wherever that first step is like for for me, specifically with pursuing another master's, like I didn't really know if this is really what God wanted me to do. But I was just like you know what, god, if this is something that you want me to do, you're going to provide, you're going to open up that door. And so I was just like I don't know how I'm going to pay for this Masters, because it's at another institution, or I don't know if I actually will get accepted or whatever the case may be. And then, you know, I was just like Yolo, I'm going to put out an application, we'll see. See if it happens, it happens. If it doesn't, it doesn't, we'll just pivot to whatever is next that God has for me.
Speaker 2:Same thing with this mission trip. Like you had to apply for it and I got the email about it and I said, all right, god, if this is where you want me to go, if this is something that you want me to do, you're gonna open up that door. And so I submitted the application, door opened and I was still like I was still doubting.
Speaker 1:I was like wait a minute.
Speaker 2:Is this really what you want me to do? Um, and so, like it was like we were on our second month of fundraising and stuff I hadn't even started fundraising yeah like.
Speaker 2:This was back in March. I hadn't even started fundraising and we had to have all the money in all in um April. And so I was like I don't, I don't really know if God really wants me to go on this mission trip. And so it. I had somebody tell me like, just trust, just trust God. Like if this is something that he wants you to do, he's gonna carry it out. So I was like, all right, well, god, if this is what you want me to do, open up the door, provide the funds. And literally as soon as I posted my fundraising for the mission trip on on social media, I that by the end of that day I had $400.
Speaker 3:Wow.
Speaker 2:And then by the second week I had $1,500, which was how much it costs.
Speaker 3:Wow.
Speaker 2:And I was completely done with fundraising. I was the first one out of the whole entire group to be completed with fundraising and I was like, oh God, so this is really what you want me to do right.
Speaker 3:You're going. Obedience without a certain way. Got a couple people there. You got to meet Right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, literally man. So I think my fog in between is just learning how to completely just trust God, even though, you know, sometimes it might be a little bit hard or it might be something where I'm just like I don't really know what I'm doing. But we're just going to step into it.
Speaker 3:So the fog is like a test, but it's also like a pause, but it's also protection.
Speaker 1:Yes, yeah, I think, wow, you just put it in a good way.
Speaker 3:Sorry, three minutes left, sorry.
Speaker 1:But we'll stop when we get to it. But I think what you just said is you were saying like the test is in the fog, right?
Speaker 3:The fog is a test, it's a pause and it's also protection.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so there's always a fog.
Speaker 3:Right. Yeah, so there's always a fog, right, yeah, and that's so, and then it goes into faith because you know when you're driving in the fog you're like oh, that's good, that's really good, that's good, that's okay.
Speaker 1:Like when you're driving yeah, so Right, yeah, man, like I think the fog. That analogy is huge because it's like there's always a fog, so you're going to always have some form of doubt. So you have to be, you're going to have to lean on something.
Speaker 3:Yeah, your faith doesn't have to be strong, it doesn't have to be strong.
Speaker 1:It's never going to be like you're never going to hold. So I think there'll be a hint of fear here and there, but that fog is what's made, what makes you stronger, though.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's almost like a workout. Yeah, it's literally almost like a workout, it's like a problem Give you a problem, bro, you, you, you bored.
Speaker 1:I here you go Right, here's a fog, Wait. But everything was clear before I getting comfortable. I think that is where I've been, and just being able to have those fog moments has helped me grow into like every single day and evolve into a better person spiritually, mentally, physically and emotionally.
Speaker 1:So I think, outside of using that analogy just for you know your spiritual aspect, I think also use it for everything else in life. There are things that are going to be testing you, that you're going to be uncertain about, that are actually there to make you much stronger right so yeah but what happens to those people that can't get out of the fog?
Speaker 2:yeah, what happens to the people that can't get out of the fog? Like you know, you have some. You have some people like when you think about driving through fog, you have people that drive really slow. You have people that are like you know what, we're just going to keep on driving with the faith, because we don't know what's on the outside, we don't know how long it's going to be. But then you might have some people that get in having those accidents in the fog um or like not not getting through, making it through the test I think you're alluding to this, but I'll answer your question.
Speaker 1:Community, yeah, so connection, not relying on yourself? Yeah to, to make it through by yourself. The independency you're talking about, like, get rid of that. So having a community of people that can assist you, like when you're on the side of that road, who you call it?
Speaker 3:right right it always goes back to serve for y'all. I know it always goes to serve with y'all serving is huge when I've.
Speaker 1:when I discovered that, oh yeah, my life changed. It was like I know serve.
Speaker 3:I hate to see y'all Come baby.
Speaker 2:When you put two people in a room together to constantly serve, oh look.
Speaker 1:Man, I'm telling you it's been like the most refreshing thing I've experienced in my life, because it's just like you you let go of you. Yeah, but yes, to answer your question. It all goes back, it all boils down to serving. So yeah, I think. And then go back to your question is that community connection um having those, those anchors and I think you called them something else last time those people you go back to um wasn't an anchor, it was something else, uh, but you just have those points of the rock?
Speaker 1:I think the rocks yeah those individuals that that that you know, yeah, you can call on in those moments and sometimes I'm gonna tell you this this is a. This is one of the realest thing I realized. Sometimes those people probably have a small, they probably had a short stint of timeframe in your life, sometimes you probably only knew it for a month. But that community that you build with them, based off of their current moment and where you are, that bond and that reliability that you can, you can use for them. I think it's huge because I've been knowing a lot of people for a short amount of time. I think it's huge because I've been knowing a lot of people for a short amount of time. I'm like man. I can depend on that person right more than I can depend on somebody.
Speaker 1:I've been, oh my gosh, yes, and I'm like whoa, and it's sad but it's so true it is true because I think you meet those individuals in certain moments of your life and then, especially if you're you're serving, you start to meet more people that they recognize that, wow, there's something there, I want to support this, how can I support this? And they don't even know they're supporting. So I think it is important to kind of recognize and be present to those moments so you can build that type of community and those individuals in your life.
Speaker 2:That's good.
Speaker 1:What you got, we got. One more question before we close out your life. That's good.
Speaker 3:What you got, we got one more question before we close out. Okay, if you could go back and tell your younger self one thing about faith, what would it be? That's huge. You want to take that one, there's so many.
Speaker 2:Oh, don't call me a missionary. I don't even know if I'm a missionary, yet this is my first mission, trip honey.
Speaker 1:I don't even know if I'm really going to like it. She's like I'm not going back you don't have no choice.
Speaker 2:She's like she's not going back. Yo, we don't know yet. We don't know yet I might get kidnapped, you might get kidnapped.
Speaker 1:No, no, you won't.
Speaker 2:Look, good things can happen on this trip now.
Speaker 2:Yeah, good things morning at the gym, I was like, yeah, I'm about to be gone for a couple of weeks and he was like, where are you going? I was like, oh, I'm going on a mission trip and he was like, where are you going? I was like I'm going to Serbia. He's like don't get kidnapped. Yeah, well, that's what would I tell my younger self about faith. Oh my gosh, I would tell her so much.
Speaker 2:But if I had to pick one thing, it's okay to bring your emotions to God, whether they're negative emotions, whether they're positive emotions. I always thought that I had to be like this you know, prim, proper, always positive person to come to God. Like no, god really wants your tears. He wants, he wants to know when you're mad at him. Like. I've had so many periods where I've literally just sat on my floor and just screamed at God because I told him like I'm so angry with you, why'd you let this happen? You pissed me off. You felt like you've abandoned me. Why'd you let this happen? You pissed me off. You felt like you've abandoned me. So it's just like bringing. It's okay to bring those raw emotions. It's okay to not have positive days every single day in your faith. Like just because you're a person of faith doesn't mean like you're going to be happy and everything's going to be all peachy peachy every single day and it's okay.
Speaker 3:And that goes back to you saying not being independent, still being dependent on him. Yes, he wants you, he wants you to bring those things.
Speaker 2:He wants all of it. He, he doesn't want you to just hold it all in. He wants to know, like, what is going on in your heart, in your mind, what are your thoughts. Even though he knows your thoughts, right, um, he still he wants to know it all, like he even wants to know how your pizza was.
Speaker 2:The other day, like when I had somebody tell me that they literally spend the whole entire day of just walking through talking to God, like they're walking to in the grocery store and they're just having full-fledged conversations with God about the payers that's in the grocery section I was like what God really wants to know all that, and so I think that was just really eye-opening to me, knowing that I can actually I have somebody that I can trust and confide in. That is not an actual like friend or somebody here on this earth. There's somebody that has higher power and more control than that, than I have, that wants me to bring all those those emotions and doesn't want me to just hold it in. So I think that's what I would tell my younger self to to bring the raw emotions and it's okay yeah, I think for me, and I'll make it short is.
Speaker 1:I would tell myself it's okay to fall yeah it's okay to make a mistake, it's okay to be wrong. I think you know the younger version of me wanted to be right, wanted to, you know, walk right, wanted to make sure I didn't fall or trip. And I think faith is about just doing those things without the fear of falling or making a mistake or being wrong, just do it. It and everything will correct itself. So I would just tell Justin that, like hey bro, look you got this. It's okay to fall.
Speaker 2:I like that. That's really good, because you got somebody that's going to catch you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, see Faith.
Speaker 2:Yeah, all right Cool.
Speaker 1:So I think that's it, that's it, that's our last question. Yeah, all right, cool, so I think that's it. That's it. That's our last question, guys. You know, thank you guys for tuning in to the Good, the Bad, the Great podcast, dr Justin Gray and our second two-peat. This is well, I guess it's a repeat, in case no such thing as a two-peat that's off. Oh my gosh, chrissy, give us your social medias, your handles, if you don't mind my social media Instagram is Chrissyap C-H-R-I-S-S-S-Yap.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Guys, follow us at the good, no at Good Bad Gray on TikTok Good, bad Gray. I don't know if we're going to do Instagram much, but at good bad gray on TikTok and YouTube. Also, if you're listening on, you know TikTok and YouTube definitely. I think we're on all platforms now iTunes, was it iPodcast?
Speaker 3:Apple Podcast. Apple Podcast.
Speaker 1:Spotify, spotify, my bad y'all. It's getting that time. What time is it?
Speaker 2:It's eating time Podcast.
Speaker 1:Well, yeah, anywhere you find your podcast, we're definitely on there. So download us, share our podcast as well. We're trying to, you know, definitely grow, get some awareness out there. More episodes coming soon. Hey, renee Residents, you want to say anything To our people?
Speaker 3:Oh, send in questions. Yes, please send in some questions.
Speaker 1:We definitely want to hear From you guys and your take Suggestions or whatever. I think you know we're here for growth and that's one of our Main priorities Is to keep growing. So keep growing out there. Good, bad gray.
Speaker 3:Good, bad gray.
Speaker 1:We're out.
Speaker 3:Good, bad gray.
