The Good, The Bad & The Gray
Welcome to The Good The Bad and The Gray Podcast, a compass in life's labyrinth, shining a light on relationships, wellness, and personal growth. Join me as I share insights and interview diverse guests. Together, we'll discuss highs, lows, and the in-between, offering perspectives on health, career, and more. Tune in for candid conversations that peel back life's layers, revealing the good, the bad, and the gray with hues from light to dark.
The Good, The Bad & The Gray
Ch 2: Ep 7| Love Languages or Red Flags? Ft. Christian Brown
What if the love language that draws you to someone is actually masking a relationship red flag? In our latest episode, we're joined by returning guest CJ (Big Siege) for a raw, unfiltered conversation about modern dating challenges that will have you rethinking your approach to relationships.
The conversation takes an unexpected turn when Dr. Gray reveals his surprising 45-minute rule for determining compatibility. "Women tell you everything you need to know within the first 45 minutes of meeting them," he explains, breaking down exactly what signals to watch for and how most men miss them completely. This insight alone might save you months of dating the wrong person.
We tackle the concept of the "representative" – that carefully crafted version of ourselves we present when first dating someone – and how to quickly disarm it to see who someone truly is. CJ shares personal stories about being misjudged for setting boundaries, while A-Renee offers the valuable woman's perspective on recognizing authentic connection versus manipulation.
The most shocking moment? Our unanimous agreement about what it means when you receive that random 1 AM "I love you" text from someone you've been dating for a few months. Trust us, you'll never view those late-night messages the same way again.
Whether you're actively dating, taking a break from relationships, or committed but curious, this episode offers practical wisdom about authenticity, recognizing red flags, and the courage to slow down rather than rushing into relationships that aren't right for you. Follow us @goodbadgray on TikTok and @thegoodthebadandthegray on YouTube and Instagram for more conversations that navigate the complex terrain between the good, the bad, and all the gray areas in between.
Welcome to the good, the bad and the gray podcast, where we shine a light on wellness, personal growth and relationships. Together, we'll discuss highs and lows and the in-betweens, offering different perspectives on health and wellness. Tune in as we peel back the layers of life, revealing the good, the bad and the gray. Welcome back to the good, the bad and the gray podcast. So we got a special guest in the building. This is a recurring guest, my guy, my brother, big Siege. What's up, bro? What's up?
Speaker 3:man, how you doing.
Speaker 1:Man, I can't what you been up to, bro, since the last episode, which was a good episode.
Speaker 3:It really don't change, bro. I do the same thing Wake up, go to work, work out Go back to the career.
Speaker 1:Well, I do have an update.
Speaker 3:I did graduate my apprenticeship. Congrats, bro. It was a five-year apprenticeship.
Speaker 1:Yes, sir, other than that, it ain't been nothing. It's been the same thing. It's been the same thing. I mean you still kind of like. I know you said you're getting ready to go off somewhere and do your thing with that. Dating-wise, though, bro, like are you still?
Speaker 3:I ain't going to lie Like I really can't Because I'm finna go, but it's like I'm chillin.
Speaker 1:I'm chillin?
Speaker 3:Yeah, I'm chillin. What about you though?
Speaker 1:man man there's some changes.
Speaker 3:There's some changes From From Stopping pod. Stopping pod. You've been pursuing, I guess.
Speaker 1:Pursuing what I don't know. Oh, yeah, man, honestly, yeah, man, good things, definitely blessed, I think. A lot of Traveling, yeah, man, good things Definitely blessed, I think. A lot of traveling, obviously, man, a lot of different, just seeing purpose in different things, details, paying attention, been like meeting, man, some good people in the world, obviously some also, you know, some other type of people.
Speaker 3:But yeah, I think that's a good thing, just meeting new people, the more when I lose on a game like I lose a bad one, I gain a good one. Yeah, man, I feel you there.
Speaker 1:I think the difficult thing is like you're going to some of the time the good things turn bad bro, and you're gonna gain those new things that are good things in the moment. So you like fruit man, just yo, just like fresh fruit bro. It spoils so dude, quick, quick, but it's. You know how do we keep it as fresh as possible? You?
Speaker 3:gotta be like a grape. Grapes, don't rot that fast or they turn into raisins.
Speaker 1:So, dang, you eat raisins, bro. Nah, I mean yeah.
Speaker 3:For old people. Nah, I'm with a good grape man.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but I think it's like, in terms of relationships and friendships, bro, like you said, bro, like a lot of fruit spoil man, a lot of good things go bad quickly, depending on the people I mean for me, you know, I'm cool, I'm just flowing, that's how we I got to the point where it's like I don't need to try to fight it no more because it's like what's the point?
Speaker 3:once I, if I have to like, say, if I feel a weird vibe, I just gonna remove myself because, like man, there's meant to be. I wouldn't be feeling like this and I overthink, but it's like Am I really overthinking? Yeah, yeah so.
Speaker 1:That's a thought man.
Speaker 3:You know what I'm saying. That's a thought. Think about it. We've been knowing each other For a minute. I ain't never got no weird thought. You know what I'm saying. So it's like Am I expecting Something to happen? Nah, but it's like we grown, like we grown men. So like, at the end of the day, like nah, if I'm at this stage of life and I'm hanging around people that kind of in the same stage of life, if I'm feeling weird about this one person or a particular person, like that's a sign, like I guess we got our own intuition.
Speaker 1:It's interesting you say that because man, I walked in this year I told myself like I'm not having any ambivalent relationship, so anybody I feel like I'm in the middle with, I'm like no, I'm saying there's no point, no point it ain't?
Speaker 3:it ain't gonna do nothing if you say something's gonna either turn into turmoil or like you're gonna get to the point to where that person's always questioning you because you questioned them. Yeah, so it's like nah, I shouldn't even have to question you if you're around me man, I ain't pulling on no coattails Like hey, stay here.
Speaker 1:Nah, nah, no, it's all right If you walking see you on the other side. It's like middle school, high school man, but I think like society today, bro is all about like everybody, about me.
Speaker 3:Everybody's about me, so it's kind of like hard to know who's really like you know vibing with you.
Speaker 1:You can still be about you, but, at the same time, understand what's around you though. Yeah, that's true, that's true. Hey, renee, what's up, what's up to the pod? Hey, hey, y'all I didn't.
Speaker 2:You know, I don't interrupt men when they talking.
Speaker 1:Oh my god okay, respect, I respect that. Okay, what's been up with you? You good I'm great.
Speaker 2:Just I do the same thing Every day, like CJ.
Speaker 1:See y'all Same thing. Wake up, go to the gym.
Speaker 2:Work on music. That's it. What time you go?
Speaker 3:to the gym oh 4 am Nah 3 am she be in there with 3 am, bro, the one that drive that black Denali?
Speaker 2:I don't know, oh, oh.
Speaker 1:Yo.
Speaker 3:I don't know who that is. Yo, you be in there with the regulars.
Speaker 2:No, they be gone by the time I come, don't nobody be in there when I used to work there.
Speaker 3:Normally people that come in there they're saying it's scheduled.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but whoever you talking about, I don't think they work there anymore or work out there anymore.
Speaker 3:I don't know I be sleeping them times I used to be. I ain't know I be sleeping them times I used to be. I ain't dedicated.
Speaker 2:Yes, you are, you still go. I'ma get there, but I ain't gonna get there At that time?
Speaker 3:I don't. It's great. Out of the gym. Out of a week. I probably don't show up To the gym At the same time, twice At seven days. It's a different time.
Speaker 2:Busy man, but I get there.
Speaker 3:I get there. I be there like three, four hours, though Two, three hours.
Speaker 2:We just talked about this. What's wrong with you mentally, why you work out so long?
Speaker 3:It's like therapy for me. If I don't go to the gym, I'm going to crash out. Somebody going to get cussed out.
Speaker 2:You know you need some mental.
Speaker 3:Nah, See what talking about it going to do. If I go talk about it with somebody, I still got to deal with it at home, so it's like I'd rather just lift heavy circles.
Speaker 2:For now, you're going to still have to deal with it at home. I deal with it Over time.
Speaker 3:The person that get cussed out, get it. That's me dealing with it. Oh, have mercy.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you just proved your little study.
Speaker 3:But you know, but I'm saying, If I gotta do cardio, abs Workout and sit in the sun, I do that Two hours.
Speaker 2:Two three hours, not three.
Speaker 3:Three is I'm just saying Two Like or three, cause you gotta think about it. I sit in the sun 15 minutes. This is a little gym breakdown. All right, this is how I go to the trip. I take my pre in the car. Give me a little tune in you don't need that, but go ahead. Who what pre-workout?
Speaker 1:Pre.
Speaker 3:I go sit in the sauna 15 minutes. Then, when they going to kick in after them 15 minutes, I go sit on the bike 15 minutes Get your blood flowing, I think. But then I go work out, I do my workout. I probably do eight to ten workouts or like six of what I'm doing for that day. Then I do abs and then I do cardio and get back into something.
Speaker 2:Eight to ten.
Speaker 3:Like say, if I'm doing like, I have my day. Say, if my day is chest and shoulders, I do four chest, four shoulders, that's eight.
Speaker 2:Oh, okay, yeah okay, I do that, but I like to supersit so I can get the hell out of there.
Speaker 3:No, See, I like to hit something. Then I look at my phone scroll.
Speaker 2:That's why you in there that long I don't think that, take that long Nah, because you got to have?
Speaker 3:what is it called? It's the little I know if.
Speaker 2:That's long.
Speaker 3:Then you know people be talking to me and stuff.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because you're popular.
Speaker 3:I am not popular, I am a regular guy.
Speaker 2:Popular, Regular popular guy Justin popular to me.
Speaker 1:I'm just a nice wholesome guy, Regular.
Speaker 2:Justin can't do nothing without somebody walking. That's true, bro.
Speaker 3:You know what I'm saying you got to think about it. I ain't had a membership at Crunch, I probably ran up a lot. Them annual fees, but no, I like it. You know what I'm saying I speak, I'm chill, I'm overheaded, but yeah, that's my gym schedule.
Speaker 2:That's how I go.
Speaker 1:That Schedule, that high go, that's your gym regimen. So I speak too. Yeah, some people don't speak, but let's Look, let's jump into, let's jump into. It always goes back to fitness.
Speaker 2:I mean, that's what happens when you surround yourself With people that work out. That's true. The conversation gonna go there.
Speaker 1:That's true, that's true. So Topic of today Is Love language, or Red flags in disguise. So Jizzle. We got you on the podcast today, obviously because A Renee says she loves your perspective on dating. Okay, so you got like unique perspective, tender perspective. You have a unique perspective on dating, okay. So, yeah, she got some questions for us. So I told her we're going to tag team, we're going to answer those questions to the best of our abilities and get your perspective on it, and then we'll go from there. Okay, what you got for us, a Renee.
Speaker 2:Let's see, let's start off with something easy. What are your love languages? Cj, you can start off, or do you Subscribe to that or anything?
Speaker 3:My love language is I don't know I get a lot of Flack If you would Call it that. My love language is Physical touch and affection. Like I'm very affectionate.
Speaker 1:Controversial there. Yeah, physical touch yeah.
Speaker 3:They would just be thinking I'll just be trying to crack, like no, no, maybe I just Want to hold you and go to sleep, or like I'm playing a game when I say like physical touch, like it's not even necessarily like me with my hands touching you, like I could be playing a game and you could be on your phone or doing something, but like I'll probably have my foot on you or something.
Speaker 2:When you say crack, you mean like Her legs open. Yeah, they be thinking that's what.
Speaker 3:Cause you know they put it on me and like we be the ones that's always trying To get into something. When it really don't be us. It be y'all.
Speaker 1:Ah, ah, ah, ah no no, no, no.
Speaker 2:Wait yeah he right, we be trying to crack I need another woman Right here. Cause y'all not to do this.
Speaker 3:Y'all going to be a girl's girl. Y'all going to take her. She can say something so wrong. You going to sit up here and support her, no Right here.
Speaker 2:No, let me tell you something about that Real quick. It's kind of relatable. I just saw a clip the other day. A lady was at Some big podcast thing and the lady was like I've been cheating on my husband with a side piece for, say, she said a year, two years. She said my husband found out. How do I go about making him let me keep my side piece? And the lady came and went off on her. She thought the lady was gonna have her back and be like girl, you need to, you know. But the lady came back and was like First of all, are you really asking this question? What type of woman are you? You said your vows. So when somebody wrong, I say that. To say, if somebody wrong, I'm not going to have that.
Speaker 2:He does.
Speaker 3:The fact that she's having a conversation About how do I get? Him to let me keep it.
Speaker 2:It was like a thousand people In the crowd heard this.
Speaker 1:That's crazy.
Speaker 3:It's trifling, he's still around, he probably still he tender.
Speaker 1:That's crazy.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but anyway. So like I was saying, no, it be y'all, it's always y'all. Okay, it's not 50-50. It's like 75-25.
Speaker 3:We're used to it. At this point, you know we know the real yeah yeah, that's fine, dr gray.
Speaker 1:What show love languages I used to be a uh, a physical touch guy, but now I hate you in terms of giving and taking. I'm an acts of service guy like I. I like to serve and I like, of course, you women that prefer serving as well.
Speaker 2:Oh, like the exchange.
Speaker 1:Got to do that, you know.
Speaker 2:I tried that.
Speaker 3:I'm telling you, bro, it's like they be adding to it. Since when was reassurance of a love language? I don't think I've ever heard it until recently.
Speaker 2:It's a sub love language.
Speaker 3:I didn't know we had divisions. I thought it was just like a good solid five yeah, I thought it was just five what are all the love?
Speaker 2:yeah matter of fact in school us what are the? Words of affirmation. Okay, so acts of service yep you got to come in on each one, go ahead.
Speaker 3:Words of affirmation is that in the re is the reassurance in the subcategory it.
Speaker 1:It would have to be a subcategory.
Speaker 3:Yeah, because it's a synonym.
Speaker 2:Yeah. That's a big word, ain't it, don't play with me with this master's degree I got.
Speaker 3:No, I was talking about for you, I was talking about for me. Oh, I see, I was finna go. Yeah, I was finna go. Wait a minute, don't do that. You're very intelligent. You young and tender, but you intelligent.
Speaker 1:I just don't use it Sometimes. Alright, give us the last two.
Speaker 2:Acts of service. Receiving gifts Okay, quality time and physical touch.
Speaker 1:Yeah, okay, from what I experienced, I think most women have that QT, quality time, love language. Is that true?
Speaker 2:I love to. I true, I love to. I told you I love to be around my significant other, yeah.
Speaker 1:I've always had, like I've always dated women that like had the quality time.
Speaker 2:Yeah, cause they don't? They don't cost no money. I'm simple. They just want you around.
Speaker 3:Yes, there's people out here that don't like the quality time you know what it's like a general, because?
Speaker 2:y'all men Hate women for real.
Speaker 1:We want to be honest. What did that come from?
Speaker 3:Past hurt. What men has she been around? I was going to say we can sit on the couch All day, right? Nah, I ain't going to lie. I understand when you're coming from. Nah, go ahead. Nah, I do like have like uncles and stuff and like I'd rather just Hang out with the guys, so I get what you're saying yes Be like that.
Speaker 2:I guess if you get tired of your person, but if you get tired of your person, then that shouldn't be your person.
Speaker 1:There you go.
Speaker 2:You should never get tired. Look now, I'm a fan of space too, so I'm not saying Be all clingy and stuff All the time. You gotta have Some distance in between.
Speaker 3:So like, do you think, like, say, if a person, a couple, been married Like, let's just say, 10 years and they trying to make it To that 30 year mark, in between that 10 and 30 years, you don't think they gonna get tired Of that person? Maybe, I get tired of me, sometimes From time to time.
Speaker 2:But that don't mean you're going to go spend some quality time with somebody else.
Speaker 3:How long is the tired time frame? How long should that be?
Speaker 2:You know what? I really don't know, because I did see. It's a girl, she's from Tuscaloosa, she with the UA. She said they came back from their vacation and her husband went back to work and she was sad and bored because she was like my husband, literally my best friend. So I guess it just depends on the person what is she?
Speaker 1:does she have a job?
Speaker 2:she's a nurse. She's a nurse and he's a he. I don't want to say what he work at, but he's a trainer okay I think it's still. He still works in town here I think it's crunch no, it's not. It's not. It's not crunch, it's a. It's the other, one's another one. I tell y'all we're not recording.
Speaker 2:I don't want to put their business out there, but she literally made a video. They had just came back from Italy and she was like y'all, my husband really is my best friend. He gone to work and I'm stuck at home by myself and I'm so bored and so sad.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:They've been married for like A year or so. They known each other. He went to Auburn, she went to Alabama and they've known each other Since high school. So they high school sweethearts.
Speaker 3:I'm thinking it was more so Like he just went to work. Maybe he just had to Go back to work. He probably who really wanna go to work.
Speaker 2:Nobody, but I'm saying, I mean he.
Speaker 3:He can't just.
Speaker 2:That's what I'm saying, so I get.
Speaker 3:It's being an RN Kind of A little bit more lenient.
Speaker 2:For real, though, Well, I guess she was still off, but my, I'm saying that it just. I guess it depends on the people.
Speaker 3:Yeah, like.
Speaker 2:Some people don't have to be around their partner All the time, like my sister. I know she loves my brother-in-law but she travels. She literally goes out the herself without him oh wow so it just depends.
Speaker 3:I ain't got that much discernment what you're doing and my sister.
Speaker 2:She's also a travel agent, so it comes with the oh nice.
Speaker 1:I didn't know if you would have told me that we got it. We got to set up some travel destinations. Okay, international, only international. Cool, oh, passport just got renewed, I'm ready. Oh, don't even have one oh, please work, I'll get one soon it come with the yeah, what's gonna happen.
Speaker 2:I got you, I understand all right, so let's move on. What's the biggest misconception you had about dating before you started? So, before you started dating, what was the biggest misconception that you had?
Speaker 1:come on, dr gray conception um, I think biggest misconception. Come on, dr Gray. I think actual traditional roles were the biggest misconception, I think, for me. You see your grandparents and all that stuff growing up, those traditional roles, and now you're like the roles have changed, obviously because we evolved. I think that's been the biggest misconception for me about you.
Speaker 3:I think the biggest misconception is like I guess they go for what, what, what area you? Not necessarily what age range, the little 50, 50, like most.
Speaker 3:Oh, oh my god, it's like a lot of most females I've been with or been around, they really don't care about that. But then you got other people, like in a different era of life, where they be like no, I ain't doing that, I ain't going 50-50. He got to do this, this, that and the third. So I think my misconception went before I started dating was like oh, I got to do everything, I got to be the provider, this, that and the third. But then when I actually started dating and got a little older, instead of out of like puppy love and just young and doing stuff, I think it was more so like that really don't matter, it depends on what person you got. What they willing.
Speaker 3:It depends on the person.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, that's good, that's good, you said something about puppy love. How do you tell the difference between love and lust when you're early on in a relationship?
Speaker 3:I can't say nothing. I like to partake in activities. So it's like, oh Lord, what do?
Speaker 1:you mean by partake in activities.
Speaker 2:Don't do that you know what he mean, read between the lines.
Speaker 3:You know what I'm saying. So, like I wouldn't, if I'm doing that with you, like you can tell, so you be in flesh.
Speaker 2:Who.
Speaker 1:In flesh.
Speaker 3:In the flesh. Nah, if I'm doing that with a person, I care about that person and I'm doing that. I'm not doing that With multiple people. Where I look at somebody and be like yeah, but no, like I can't really say nothing because like if you are with me it's not a requirement, but like it's going to be a lot.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I hope I understand Justin.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think for me, how you tell the difference is time. I think time is the biggest difference. So lust dies out, you know quick. It's time. I think time is the biggest difference. So lust Dies out, you know quick.
Speaker 2:And then you gonna find out If you really like them After that lust Right and that Post.
Speaker 1:Clarity, yeah, but you gotta have that Pre-clarity too. Now, that's discernment, but we'll talk about that Another time.
Speaker 3:How long does your Like? Do you Like After how many days? Cause I know for me I say every man can know if he's going to actually take somebody serious after three days.
Speaker 1:Three days, I only need 45 minutes.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that's what I'm saying. So it's like so you need 45 minutes Me. I need like three days. I need like two good conversations and like a day of texting, a day of texting, because it's like we can talk about a good amount. And then it's like say like if we're in person I can see, but 45 minutes, nah, I don't know.
Speaker 1:The reason I say 45 minutes, bro, because if you really like, pay attention, women tell you every single thing you need to know. A lot of men look over those things, looking at the flesh, but women really tell you Every single thing. You need to know Everything.
Speaker 2:When he told me that CJ, I was like Mind blown too, cause he told me that I'm telling you now.
Speaker 1:Bro, like it could be. Just I'm a little bit more like Observing over now. But women man, I can literally have A 45 minute conversation, interact with somebody For 45 minutes and know exactly what they're about.
Speaker 3:See, I ain't got that yet. It takes time my third eye ain't my third eye.
Speaker 1:I need them three days. My third eye ain't.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I need them three days. Man, I need them three days.
Speaker 1:Three days, yeah, but that's good. You take a little bit more time. Me, I've just been able to kind of like pick up on it a lot quicker. So, like how you do it, though, is it like you giving them like an interview or you like you done? Mastered it to where it's like they don't need. No, I should teach the course on this. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 3:Because, like me, I'm thinking 45 minutes, you drilling them 45 minutes.
Speaker 1:Well, okay, first and foremost, you have to. You can tell what someone and this is anybody what they value by what they present. I play, I pay, I pay close attention To that first, and then, from there, conversation wise, what are they putting out? What are they advertising? Because everybody, most people, are putting out their, their representative. It's cool, I'm the type of person Go ahead what you got.
Speaker 2:Absolutely Go ahead.
Speaker 1:But I'm the type of person that I want you to put out your representative, because your representative Is going to tell me Exactly who you want to be in that moment. So that's when I started really to observe I can't get out. I started to really observe the representative and then I break the representative down in those next 30 minutes Because, like I said, they're going to tell you what they value by what they show and say, and then that representative, honestly, you can disarm the representative a lot faster, you can disarm the actual, real person. So what's the first question? You guys, oh man, you trying to get I just need.
Speaker 3:I just need one question like what is it to know where it's finna go? What's that?
Speaker 1:first initial question oh, I can't get. I can. I'm trying to see how I can give it to you, actually disclosing all the information.
Speaker 3:Okay, well, let me ask you like this, let's just put it in gym terms. If they in the gym, yeah, yeah, is it what they're wearing, what they're doing, or like their body, uh, what's the word? What's the word the body language, body?
Speaker 1:language is huge, yeah, you. So, body language wise, you can tell when a woman is like trying to hit on you. You've probably seen a lot of women like when they when they come around, but I think body language. So if you want to go off what they're wearing, with how they present themselves, that's cool. That's one way you can go about it. I think most, most men nowadays are kind of like bitter about it because women are more naked than ever.
Speaker 3:I appreciate the one that, like like they wear the sweats to cover it up but they take it off just to take their picture Like it would be something like that A little bit more modest. Yeah, because it's like they wear like the Define, the Able, the Wellness and Athletics, but they have it.
Speaker 2:Shameless plug.
Speaker 3:They'll have that on, but they'll have some sweats on there. Full workout there.
Speaker 1:And then they'll take a picture and they get up yeah, so I think those individuals are typically still the same because what they take the picture for Social media, yeah, so they're loyal to social media and I get it. There's no shame in that you try and make that dollar, you try to get those followers. Cool yeah, now. I think those followers cool yeah now. I think if you're looking for the right one, I tell you like from what I've seen, like a lot more modesty is with you've seen like the, the little looser shorts, but still you can kind of like see, yeah, and as a man, you know we're visual, quick creatures. Women are like more like you know they can see things.
Speaker 2:Intellectual.
Speaker 3:See, I just do more so of the look, keep moving.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but if you're trying to figure out which ones, it's about actions, what they value and the conversation, a lot will tell you more. Anyway, I think if you find a girl that presents herself like she's taken but she's not, that's a good girl, okay.
Speaker 3:That's a good girl. I don't talk to them, so I don't even be knowing.
Speaker 1:But you got to get to that part. So that's why I say 45 minutes is like observe, interact and then from there you got it.
Speaker 3:When is the right time to suggest a date for Justin? When was the last time Justin been on a?
Speaker 1:date. What is a date? What is considered a date? We not finna. Do that.
Speaker 3:I don't have the formal definition. You're treating a person that you have Interest in.
Speaker 2:Get them together, cj.
Speaker 1:To dinner.
Speaker 3:Or whatever. Is a date spending money or not spending money? I think a date is.
Speaker 1:My time is money. If I'm spending time, that's a date. If you have intimate isolated time time, that's a date. Like, if we, if you have intimate isolated time with me, that's a date Okay, and I think, uh, especially you know, if we're going out somewhere. But it's been, it's been a minute. You know, I've been kind of like super focused on other stuff, but yeah, what would take me to was your question. Yeah, bet see, that's the, that's the issue is like man, I gotta come across somebody with a different type of mindset.
Speaker 3:Okay, I've been coming across people with the same type of mindset, so it's like for for you to be interested in somebody they got to take you out of being adjusted like meaning, like you're in a mode I, I would say grind mode.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:They would have to like cut it off.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:So you need the exact opposite.
Speaker 1:I can't have anybody like me, bro. Okay, I can't have like a uber, you know uber ambitious person.
Speaker 3:I've seen. I've seen like it wasn't like a quote but it was like a meme, like you have a fire, but it's like they come in, they dim it, but it's not in a bad way, they soothe it they soothe the burn, so you need somebody. That's gone. Yeah, you're like alright, I can't have nobody.
Speaker 1:That's gone. We both try to Nah, that's too much. We can't have the same strength and the same weaknesses. That's too much. I'm a boy, we're diagnosing. I'm just asking Get him. That was good, bro, what about?
Speaker 3:you bro Hold on the last time.
Speaker 1:I went on a date. Yeah, last time you went on a date, man, what was the date? Again, right, so isolated, intimate time with someone. How about that? Isolated meaning you and them. Intimacy meaning that there's a sharing of some like or some liking in terms of it could be love, it could be lust it could be.
Speaker 3:I went on two recently. One of them was lust, I ain't gonna lie, we don't even talk anymore. And then the one that I went to see Sinners oh, you went to see Sinners.
Speaker 1:Oh Okay, so you asked her out.
Speaker 3:She asked me wanted to see.
Speaker 1:Sinners. Oh, okay, so you asked her out.
Speaker 3:She asked me out we were just sitting in the park. She was like you want to go watch movies, that's what's up?
Speaker 2:That's what's up?
Speaker 1:How do I get to that level where we're asking me out? You know what?
Speaker 3:I mean. I mean, we were just chilling in the park, so I guess you're just like. It was cool, though.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah, Okay okay.
Speaker 3:Hey.
Speaker 1:Renee.
Speaker 2:What.
Speaker 3:Everybody asks when they. When my last date was oh, by the Lord, yeah, I'm on a healing journey, baby. Ain't no dates right now.
Speaker 2:I'm waiting on him to ask me, though I got a prospect.
Speaker 3:Okay, okay, good, if he ask you right now?
Speaker 2:What's dancing? Yes, cause I haven't seen him. You haven't seen him. Hold on bro.
Speaker 3:Wait, wait, wait, wait. He watch the podcast.
Speaker 2:You told him you be doing the podcast. Yeah, he know about the podcast, but he ain't listen how you know he ain't listen. Oh, I know. Hey, she say yo and you looking in the camera.
Speaker 3:I'm so weak.
Speaker 2:She said yes no, we cool though, and that's what that's what tell them.
Speaker 3:You're doing a podcast today. She said yes first of all.
Speaker 2:First of all, no, I did say yes, but, justin, don't be fussing at me. I am healing and this is how. Let me tell you, I am taking time, though this is how I'm. My issue in the past, cj stop. My issue in the past is that I spend a lot of time with people when I first meet them. I haven't seen him in two weeks. He lives in this city, oh wow. I have not seen him in two weeks.
Speaker 3:In two weeks, we talk pretty much every day okay, yes, sir, how is that a problem to actually want seeing somebody? Yeah, what you mean meaning like I'm not saying see him every day no, no I will get tired of seeing somebody every day, um, but I'm saying you said your problem was you'd be around him too much, but in the past and it's like we spent so much time together.
Speaker 2:When we first started talking, I did used to see, like my ex, I used to see him every day. When we first started talking, I did used to see, like my ex, I used to see him every day when we first started talking, every single day, ever, I swear every day. Then, once he, once that, died down, the red, the, the little question marks start coming, because I'm like what's going on? Why where you been like we used to spend all the time together, so that's a that's an issue, though okay, and I've I've learned that that's not healthy, you get attacked.
Speaker 2:I do, but I'm amazing, I'm very amazing.
Speaker 3:There's nothing wrong with being attacked.
Speaker 2:No, it's not, but I'm just saying, like my energy, I'm amazing Like this person has told me that like being around me, so it's not hard to want to be around me all the time, but he a working man, so he was.
Speaker 1:But this one he worked, he grinds.
Speaker 2:He grinds. So yeah, but it's been a minute since I've been on a date. But when the question comes, if I'm itch, all right.
Speaker 1:That's enough, cj. She said, yes, knock it off. Cj. All right, cool, let's move on to the next question you had to finish that, go ahead.
Speaker 2:Next question. Alright, justin, you said something about the representative. When do you show the real you? Because the representative is not the real you, you said like in general In dating, when you're dating someone, there is a shield up. Yeah, you talking about for me, yes, oh or are you genuinely authentic throughout, so I know you watch?
Speaker 1:yeah, I'm flexible in in each moment, right. So I think that's what it is, and I think a lot of people get lost in that, so they may think I'm like professional all the time, but I'm not like I'm flexible in just every moment. So I think there's really no Representative, it's just like Whatever moment we're in. That's where I'm at. What is the point of a?
Speaker 3:representative though.
Speaker 1:Manipulation.
Speaker 3:If you want this Person to like you, why would you?
Speaker 2:Because If you got the representative, like your authentic self might not be Ish, you know what I'm saying, authentic self might not be ish, right, you know what I'm saying. Like you might actually be a horrible person, yep, but to be a manipulator you got to show that. You got to have that representative to reel the woman, women in. And then, once you got them where you want them, then you start showing the real you.
Speaker 3:So I got to do some third eye work. Y'all been doing some third outward.
Speaker 2:We older than you though.
Speaker 1:But they don't so.
Speaker 2:So no, we're older.
Speaker 1:But the representative, like she said, is a manipulation tactic. It's like that representative knows what you like and everything will be what you want them to be in that moment. So I think I observed that a lot better, because it tells me okay, this is the person that you're trying to present to me, but the question for me will always be what else? What else? And at some point you're going to have to say what it really is.
Speaker 2:And that's how you get past that representative. And that's why I told you and I sent you that clip, cj, to tell you, if a woman asks you like, what do you like in a woman, don't, don't give her too much. Let her be her real self. Don't tell her, I like when a woman she works out, this lady probably ain't never been to the gym.
Speaker 3:She gonna start going now because you they don't ever ask me that, though they just like. Most of the time, the only question that I really give is be like oh, I thought I wouldn't Be your type.
Speaker 1:I've heard that before they be like.
Speaker 3:Cause you be in the gym and you think?
Speaker 2:No, the gym is for me, the gym ain't for like that's good, you know what I'm saying I like that, yeah, but so Just be careful, don't Don't give them too much. That's what I told Justin Don't give him too much.
Speaker 3:If that, justin, you been giving him too much.
Speaker 2:I don't give Nah.
Speaker 1:Justin, go ween him out anyway, until you hear him, say he for five minutes, justin.
Speaker 2:I ain't gonna lie it sound like you, strict brother I think I'm. I think now you strict around here.
Speaker 1:I ain't gonna say strict. I'm a little bit more selective now. For sure, I thought I was selective. Be honest like I've. I've worked hard to be where I'm at now and I can be with someone that wants to have a career, that doesn't want to have a career, because I can. I can pretty much provide at that point. So most women and every woman has has told me this like, bro, like watch out for the woman that just want to take advantage of what you got and where you're at. So now I gotta be more selective, because if she's here just because she wants to be X, y, z, I mean I'm gonna be honest, bro. I'm looking forward today to hear introducing Dr and Mrs Justin Gray, that's gonna be dope.
Speaker 1:At the wedding, I think that's gonna be super dope.
Speaker 2:I can't wait to see that.
Speaker 3:You think?
Speaker 1:she's here though, in Tuscaloosa, or in general, like what?
Speaker 2:or in general like what you mean the standards my standards are not that high bro oh lord it's not like through the roof it's just like oh my god alright, what you? Saying what you saying bro it wasn't me, it was A-René what? You saying do you think that she's here and I said no, no, she's not she could be.
Speaker 3:Is there any potential? Nevermind it? No, she's not. She could be. Is there any potential? Never mind it, ain't need no prospect.
Speaker 2:Don't do it on the podcast.
Speaker 3:I was just going to say he could have just said a yes or no, but now from how the 45 minutes going.
Speaker 1:Let me put it like this bro, I've seen a lot of good qualities recently, as I've been kind of like in this state. I've seen a lot of bad state, I've seen a lot of bad, but I've seen a lot of good qualities, even when it comes to like. I mean, I've dated black, white, I've dated all types of women, but I think I've seen a lot of great qualities recently that's good which is good, which is dateable. Qualities for me, for sure.
Speaker 2:Yeah, um yeah where do you what, what kind of woman you see yourself marrying though?
Speaker 1:and that the question you just said avoid what kind of woman you see yourself marrying, though Isn't that the question you just said?
Speaker 2:before. What kind of what? No, like what? Yeah?
Speaker 3:she just said Nevermind I'm being messy, nevermind I'm not gonna lie, it ain't really, it ain't just been Just dating for that aspect, but I've been A lot of mine Been going to like I would say like Dead ends, cause I feel like my time here is wrapping up. So it's like, literally, one after the other, it's just signs showing me. It's like, yeah, it's time for me to.
Speaker 2:Y'all don't believe in long distance dating.
Speaker 3:Oh, no, nah Dang. That's so bad.
Speaker 2:I don't know why I asked you CJ.
Speaker 3:Of course not. No, it don't even be just because of me, though I just it's a hard no.
Speaker 2:If you really like them, you'll make it work.
Speaker 3:I think I would rather them, I wouldn't even put them through that. And it's not saying like I'm not saying like I'm going to do something or like I'm going to have infidelity. It's just like like that is a lot like how, what? How long is long this? How long are we talking? I mean, this is not gonna be permanent um.
Speaker 2:I have a classmate. She lives in Alabama and her husband lives in California. I think, uh, cheryl Lee Ralph, a whole Actress. She lives in California and her husband's, like a senator, works in the government In a whole nother state.
Speaker 3:That's easy though she could just, but not.
Speaker 2:No, not if she working.
Speaker 1:Well, I think Like he's alluding to it, like if you could pay for that? Yeah, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2:If you could pay to just Regularly travel, you travel, but.
Speaker 3:I'm saying like, I'm just saying Like, for me, I ain't gonna lie If we here, we in Tuscaloosa, columbus, that's an hour away no, Wait Out Columbus Mississippi.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm just saying like I talked to somebody that lived in Columbus, Georgia and they came. They used to come visit me. I didn't have to do nothing.
Speaker 3:Y'all made it work. That's good.
Speaker 2:Until he stopped making it work. So yeah, I actually feel you now. What's our next?
Speaker 1:question.
Speaker 2:My next question is kind of like following up to some of the stuff y'all was talking about. What's one thing a woman could do to make you seriously consider a committed relationship? So first, before you answer that, cj, I know, you just cj. Well, you I know, but you'll have to tell the people how have you ever been in like a really serious committed relationship? I?
Speaker 3:don't count it. But I say yes because it was like my first love. We dated from 14 to 18, but I don't that's the only one I say I was in, but I've had like serious situations like we never made it yeah, we never made it to. Oh, this is my girl, but it's like seeing each other every day. She's been a nice. Staying there had a key. I had a key like that is so toxic it was.
Speaker 2:That's a key. I had a key Like that is so toxic.
Speaker 3:It was.
Speaker 2:That's. That's a lesson I learned. That's toxic.
Speaker 3:It's toxic, it's okay.
Speaker 2:We live and we learn, but um.
Speaker 3:What would really make me Seriously consider Dating somebody? Um, it would have to be Hmm, probably have to be like I ain't going to say liking me, with no limits, but it's like understanding, like we're working together, like don't try to work against me, or like show, or what did I say, love has no limits. It's kind of like that, but like we haven't made it to that point. But like if you can do if I'm easily irritated, I already know it's not going to work. But like if you and I bring up my mom Because it's like my mom and only one other person has ever made me Like this. Like if I can get mad at you Like my mom, but still like treat you Like my mom, or whatever that would make me consider it.
Speaker 2:So you can be In a committed relationship With someone and still not like Be in love with them. You know like. Loving somebody and being in love Is two different things.
Speaker 3:If I'm in a committed Relationship, I gotta be in love Like.
Speaker 2:The love has to.
Speaker 3:Has to be there Cause if I'm just like, if we just here, and I'm like, oh, you still around, I guess we'll make it work Like nah, I'm not, I'm not doing that. Whole time it's finna be somebody else. Either one of our phones, I promise you Dang Okay.
Speaker 2:No ain't no. Next question.
Speaker 3:You said you knew his answer.
Speaker 2:Right? No, I said I did, but the people don't.
Speaker 1:Dr Gray, you ever been in a committed relationship.
Speaker 3:She trying to get you to sneak.
Speaker 1:No, I'm not.
Speaker 2:What's the question? Have you been in a committed relationship?
Speaker 3:She doing third word for somebody.
Speaker 1:Okay Now.
Speaker 2:What would make you Consider yes?
Speaker 1:Committing.
Speaker 2:Yes, don't.
Speaker 1:You don't know the question I can't be giving away these answers, man. Oh my lord I can't?
Speaker 2:We gotta get a pass Right, I gotta get a pass.
Speaker 1:Hold on, give me the button Like a pass button.
Speaker 3:I know no square.
Speaker 1:You just said Don't be giving everybody. Our likes and dislikes, then they gonna going to try to morph into that. I told you.
Speaker 3:She's doing some dirty work for somebody. No.
Speaker 2:I'm not Somebody trying to get some information and she's trying to get it out. That's not Okay, that's fine. She's trying to move it on. Y'all said something about social media, so how much do you care about someone that you could or could not be, have a you might end up dating, or you actually are dating. How much do you care about their online presence or their follow account, like, like, could you date a influencer?
Speaker 3:at first, I at first, like it, had a big present, but then I actually ended up like, I want to say, being with somebody that had a high social media presence, like just because they because they got like 40, 50,000 followers they probably ain't even got $5 to their name, like, and I legit just experienced it Like they had 40, 50k with Keneem. Yeah, you know what I'm saying, not to down that person, but like, as far as the social media presence, they did care about it a lot, like they tried care about it a lot, they tried to make it like oh, I got to put this out today, I got to do this, that and the third. That can get a little annoying, but the numbers don't mean nothing to me.
Speaker 1:There's not no intimidation there. Yeah, oh no, it doesn't make a difference to me. Yeah, I mean, as long as mentally they can handle can handle that, that attention they cool.
Speaker 2:But if not, what if they wanted to include you in it? Ooh, oh Cause, we got a mutual friend. She started out, she was she an influencer, and she started out didn't include her, her significant other, and now he's included in it. So what if they want to include you?
Speaker 3:in their content. I mean, I make content, so it's like that would be, cool. Yeah, I mean, just put my tattoo in there.
Speaker 1:I know you.
Speaker 3:Just get my good side.
Speaker 1:I don't know, I don't know. It depends on the type of content.
Speaker 2:What you say, posting what.
Speaker 1:Huh, I said it depends on the type of content.
Speaker 3:Oh yeah, it does. It does depend on the type of content. We're not doing that Ain't going to lie Right.
Speaker 3:Moving on how much do your friends' opinions matter when you start dating someone? I include them at first, but like after, probably after like for two, three weeks, I don't really care about their opinion because it's like, at the end of the day, that's who I got to lay down with, or like be around 24-7. I'm not going to be with my homeboys 24-7, like no. So like it matters in segments Like if we're. If I need another opinion, I ask for it, but I ain't just taking it and running with it Just because LeTerry said he don't like you, but at the same time.
Speaker 3:An outside perspective is always not appreciated, but it's more so. It's cool to get An outside perspective.
Speaker 2:What if she dated One of your friends?
Speaker 3:Oh no, I'm not doing that. So like you, she walk in and then your homeboy Be like hey, come and see me, see like I'm not, I'm not dating or being with somebody that my homeboy has dated, but it's been Times with somebody that I've Uh, dated, somebody that I've dated or like been around. Yeah, we had some active activities. They may be like that's you and I'll be like nah, and then they'll be like you cool with it.
Speaker 2:Got you, we in.
Speaker 3:Tuscaloosa, it's small.
Speaker 2:It's small. It's not that small. We got North Fort Cotton deal.
Speaker 1:It's not that small, we got.
Speaker 2:Northport, you got Cottondale.
Speaker 1:Oh, you can't.
Speaker 2:CJ is not even the only one Answering questions.
Speaker 1:He got some good answers. It depends on the friend, though. It depends on the friend, like if it's somebody that I know that makes Good decisions and they got a good, a big, a good handle on discernment and they're like bro, but majority of the time, nah, I don't listen to their opinions, are in terms of who I I'm dating, because I mean, like I kind of see, like cj alluded to, like at a certain period of time, is like it's not even about what your friends think, because you already yeah, you gotta think about it naturally, like say, say like, um, if you, if you know a female, a woman, yeah, and you're say, in the gym, you're working out with your friend or something, they be like, hey, man, who is that?
Speaker 3:And you kind of like set it up and then at first they're both going to be coming to you, but after a while they're not going to be coming to you and you don't want to be in the middle of their drama.
Speaker 3:So it's like the outside perspective is, like always, you can ask for it, but like no, it's not, it's gonna cause issues because, like, excuse me, he may do something wrong and you also, knowing her, you're gonna feel some type of way. So it's gonna put you in the middle of something and you don't want to be there or she could do something wrong, and that's your boy.
Speaker 3:And if he know, if he find out you knew, then yeah, yeah, so it's gonna cause friction, so at a certain point you just gotta Remove yourself. Yeah, hmm.
Speaker 2:Have you ever ghosted someone?
Speaker 3:I ghost people. I was not. Yeah, are you asking why, or are?
Speaker 2:you just yes, and why Um?
Speaker 3:Cause I'm I'm really nice and some people, like we was talking about the last time I was here, I'm really nice and a lot of people don't understand that like I'm a man at the end of the day. So it's like they try to like that nice guy. He can get cut off. So it's like either I don't say nothing or I cuss you out and ghost you, and I'd rather just ghost you, laughter yeah.
Speaker 2:Dr Gray, have you ever ghosted?
Speaker 1:I think the reason I ghosted that person because they reminded me Of the old me, like, literally that old version of me.
Speaker 3:I was like, like, don't bring this guy back.
Speaker 1:I'm telling you like that, yeah but the thing is it was like man, like I was like, oh, this is it. But then I was like, dang, this is the old you, bro. I was like, yeah, when you look in the mirror and you see it, do you block people, though this?
Speaker 3:is it? But then I was like Dang, this is the old you, bro. I was like, yeah, it's not a good look when you look in the mirror and you see it. But do you block people though? See, I got a catch to him too when it come to blocking. Like I be feeling like it's kind of like I ain't gonna say feminine, but like I be feeling like If I had to block somebody, that's doing too much. But do't block people. Oh, they gotta see this yeah, okay, yeah, 100.
Speaker 1:You block people, though I block people, oh man, I block and then sometimes I unblock you didn't see this.
Speaker 3:I got to the point once you block, I ain't, I ain't unblocking because they're like you had I asked that question, though, because I was ghosted.
Speaker 2:Um, it was a guy I was dating. It was a few years ago. We went on two dates and after the second date I like hit him up or whatever, and he just stopped responding. I was like damn, what did I do? What?
Speaker 3:did I do? What led up to that? If you don't mind, I don't even remember. I can tell you it was either a female or he knew. He found out that you wasn't offering goods for his services, it died. I'm sorry you kicked me off.
Speaker 2:Yes, it died. We good, yeah, we good.
Speaker 3:He probably figured out you wasn't offering goods for his services.
Speaker 2:He didn't offer services though I'm talking about. It was like I used to do tastings at the ABC store and he came up and he had a he's a Kappa, so he had like a Kappa umbrella. And I saw his Alabama State key chain that's my alma mater and so I was like, oh, you went to State. And he's like, yeah, I went to State. I was like me too, and I think it was like coming up on Classic weekend, so I was like you going to classic. He was like, yeah, so it just kind of went from there and so we kind of bonded over the fact that we went to state and you know, talked about it.
Speaker 3:There's so many people that I don't know everybody. How often did y'all talk before the date?
Speaker 2:It was pretty often, maybe like every day, every other day. I remember he told me downtown at the sheriff's office downtown tuscaloosa. But I just thought it was so crazy that I want to say that maybe, like his, something happened to his granddad, if I'm not mistaken, but I think I think he had a girlfriend, he just wanted the goods.
Speaker 2:Well, he never said that, but I think he had a girlfriend. Honestly, I really do, I don't know. It was weird, though, like because I ain't doing nothing like that, you're gonna ghost me, ghost me, like that. He did one of the good. That's all he didn't get them Alright we got two more? Have you ever been friend zoned and how do you handle it? How did you handle it?
Speaker 3:I got friend zoned in a weird way Because it's like she friend, she's like we was okay. So her friend wanted me but I didn't want her friend. But me and the girl have had conversations and things have happened to where I feel like the friend should respect what we had going on, but she wanted to respect that her friend liked me.
Speaker 2:So I got friends that don't like that. I didn't like that. I didn't, I ain't like that.
Speaker 3:But me and a friend never did nothing, no, barely any conversation, anything. It ain't my fault, she like me yeah, yeah, I think.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I've been friends on, but I I don't think I've you probably ain't taking that away. I mean, I think, I think I tried to get in the friend zone.
Speaker 3:It was more like he probably put him in the friend zone.
Speaker 1:I think that's what it was. I think they wanted me to shoot my shot, but then I was like nah bro, and we were kind of cool and she probably thought you was gay.
Speaker 2:Remember, we had that conversation.
Speaker 1:Possibly she probably was like damn think she wasn't attractive to me. Like that, is it stock.
Speaker 3:No, is it not toxic that a female think just because you don't want her? Or like don't want to do nothing that they think you gay yeah but I'm saying just because we don't want to just go and bust you through the mattress that don't mean we gay. I'm saying, like maybe we actually are nice people. That's what I said.
Speaker 2:I said maybe they're gentlemen, I don't get it.
Speaker 1:That's their defense mechanism in saying like, oh cool, he don't like me because something must be. I literally had a conversation with a girl and we were talking about it. She was like, oh yeah, I think he's gay. He didn't try to smash. I'm like bro, what Dude.
Speaker 3:I was literally Go ahead. No, you good, I'm saying like, and not to cut you off Like I literally, like, was chilling with somebody and she literally blurted out oh, you don't want to do nothing with me. Something must be wrong with you.
Speaker 1:You see what I'm saying, bro.
Speaker 3:I don't get it. That's scary, like you, just Like no. That means you don't need To be in it, bro, no, and get mad at me To this day Still, cause she'll Like text me, she'll be like Dang. So we just Not gonna. Do nothing or like We'll have a regular conversation. We'll be sitting there Talking, asking how your day went. She was like Good, I just need somebody. It would be better If somebody was laying beside me. Hey, man, go on.
Speaker 2:That's who you need to block.
Speaker 3:I don't talk to her, I ghost her, like I promise you, I've known her probably like two years on and off, and every time I ghost her because it's like that. Every time it's like nah, that's a little scary if somebody keep like they basically trying to force you, that ain't a person, that's a spirit.
Speaker 1:Yo, but yeah, that's good. What else you got for us?
Speaker 2:CJ so funny. What's one piece of advice you give your younger self about Approaching women?
Speaker 3:Be like Justin piece of advice you give your younger self about approaching women.
Speaker 1:Be like, just like, be like just 45 minutes.
Speaker 3:No, because I ain't gonna lie like if I ain't never start working out like justin to tell you, like the growth and development that I've had in the short amount of time when it comes to women or dating period, it's been. I'm looking at the mirror. I don't even see the same person. Um, but reality, the advice I would give to my younger self when it comes to dating slow down, bro.
Speaker 1:You ain't, it, ain't no rush yeah, I would say kind of similar. They're gonna be there like yeah, like especially when you get to a point to where you're like you, good, they're gonna be there. Oh, it'll be a lot of them there too.
Speaker 2:There is plenty of fish in the sea. That's real, 100%.
Speaker 1:And just traveling a lot and seeing so many different people, you're like bro, like man, it's like a person out there for everything, everything, and that's how many people that's in this world.
Speaker 3:So yeah, do you feel like you let one get away though?
Speaker 1:Oh, did I let one get away? Okay, yo, the question. You know, I asked myself that question a while back, man Like, did I let one get away?
Speaker 3:Um, what does that even mean, though, bro Like, Like Right now, the, just the, the person that Justin Is looking for. She was that, but she wasn't that person you needed to be. Because I can answer that I can say yes, I let one get away, but I can also say no, I didn't let her get away.
Speaker 1:So I'm going to say this. I think the version of me that dated a good girl, or a good girl at the time.
Speaker 1:I don't know what she's doing now. I think we could have been more today if she would have met this version of me today. So if that's the getting away aspect, then yeah, but if it's me saying like I don't, because I don't know who, who she's evolved to today, because she could be like in the streets hard today, maybe, but that version of her when I met her and she, she would have met that version of this version of just, oh yeah, we've probably been like somewhere with mr and mrs gray oh doctor and mrs gray yeah, I think I don't think anyone got away, but I think you know that version of me, uh that version of them when I met them were probably better with more compatible with this version.
Speaker 3:Okay, so I wouldn't. We can change that from saying let them get away. It's just saying we could have been a better version of ourselves. Yeah, yeah, for sure, yeah, because I was going to say like it ain't, like I don't miss them or nothing. I don't miss them or nothing, but it was just like they was a good person. Oh yeah, and it wasn't really the best.
Speaker 1:I think I dated some good girls bro, and I think I screwed up some good girls too, For sure.
Speaker 3:I've done things.
Speaker 1:You got to hold yourself accountable too.
Speaker 3:You know what I'm saying I've done things that I'm not proud of. Yeah, I have the same it was cool in the moment, though Like Younger me was like I'm the man.
Speaker 1:Man.
Speaker 3:Looking back, it was like dude.
Speaker 1:I think I was. I was more ruthless Undergrad bro Like, yeah, I I had. No, that was J Stone Central. I had no feelings Kicking people out Like that type of deal.
Speaker 2:I think everybody was ruthless In undergrad. Yeah, I was ruthless back then, bro.
Speaker 1:But now I think it's more like yeah, but yeah, I mean you going to ask him that question too.
Speaker 3:What.
Speaker 2:I thought you answered it. Did I let somebody get?
Speaker 1:it yeah.
Speaker 3:I answered it.
Speaker 1:Oh, you said you answered it, okay, cool.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I said like I said. I could have been a better version of myself. They didn't get away though.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:They gone. But Right, I ain't worried about it. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:I like that what.
Speaker 3:You didn't answer the question. You're here too.
Speaker 2:What was? Can you pose the question?
Speaker 3:again. Do you feel like you let someone get away?
Speaker 2:Heck. No, these bums that I dated.
Speaker 3:I'm good. You know what I she let somebody get away.
Speaker 2:Oh no, I didn't no.
Speaker 3:Okay, so there was not One prospect when you was like what we could have been.
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 3:Okay, they suck.
Speaker 2:They were that bad, bro. Horrible, I'm good no.
Speaker 3:I haven't.
Speaker 2:Somebody. Probably I may have felt like they let me get away, but in hindsight, nah, I'm glad they let me run, okay, uh, uh, I'm good, okay. Nah, I'm glad they let me run. Okay, uh, uh, I'm good. Okay, that's why I'm. That's why I said, like I said, I ain't seen Mr man in two weeks.
Speaker 3:But Mr man, mr man.
Speaker 2:I haven't seen him in two weeks, but I'm good with that, like it's. That's different for me, but sometimes you gotta do things A different way To get a different result, cause I Doing the same thing all the time, you're going to get the same result A little space Ain't nothing wrong with a little space. I have one last question, last question let's go.
Speaker 2:When you say that, like you kind of put the girls in the friend zone, is that your way of like turning them down? Like, how do you, is that a way that you turn women down?
Speaker 1:To be honest, like I don't think it's a bad thing to be in the friend zone for a small amount of time, because I get to see how you operate, you get to see you should be.
Speaker 1:I think everyone should kind of cross that threshold In the beginning, at least briefly. You kind of see how you operate and how the other person operates so you can say, okay person operates, so you can say, okay, how, this is how we were operated with friends and but also when your friends typically you reveal a little bit more, their representative is gone, you reveal a lot more to that person and then that other person can see, like dang, can I really be? Do I really want to be with this person, right? So I think it's a good opportunity to to at least cross that threshold early on in the beginning and be okay with it, I mean. But I know lust is still going to be there as long as you like that person like that. So but yeah, yeah, I think intentionally to answer your question, yes, okay I, I intentionally try to get there sometimes.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I would just try to get there, but you like respectfully turn them down. So if you did want to pursue them, then they wouldn't be like well, you the last time you said you even talked. If I did want to pursue, if I did want to turn it, then they wouldn't be like, well, you the last time you said you even talked.
Speaker 1:You know what I'm saying. If I did want to pursue, if I did want to turn it out to them, I was like hey look, there's nothing happening here, we're cool, I like your vibe, we're better off as friends, or we're better off as business acquaintances, or they'll know where we stand If I haven't like that.
Speaker 2:CJ.
Speaker 3:I mean I've grown to like. Just an answer is my answer Because it's like I've always been the person to be like that jumps not necessarily jumps into it, but I'll be like at the end, whether we work out or not, like we still going to be cool. That was a lie.
Speaker 2:We never ended up being cool Right Biggest lie.
Speaker 3:And so it's gotten to that point Because it's like you, you see that person in a different light, so anything they do can Upset you or whatever, and y'all will potentially not be friends. But if you're mature enough to understand Like hey, I'm not in a rush, you're not in a rush, we can see where this goes, let's actually see where this goes, and not like me, say let's see where this goes, let's actually see where this goes, and not like me say let's see where this goes and you texting Paul next week.
Speaker 3:So it's like Texas Paul like you actually get to see that person in a true light. They're not trying to be somebody that they're not. They're being their mouth, their authentic self. So it was like you really can see that. So I've gotten to that point because there's been people that tried to talk to me and I'm like let's just get to know each other first. You don't even know if you're like me because, like I said, sometimes I don't like me. So it's like I really do have grown accustomed to Justin's answer yeah, okay.
Speaker 1:Cool, that's it. That's all the good questions you got for us. Before we take it out, give us one random question. One random question Questions you got for us before we take it out.
Speaker 2:Give us one random question, one random question, just a random question.
Speaker 3:I can't think of no random question Grab one.
Speaker 2:What? How long do you know? Dang? No, brandon Lord, I don't know who name I was going to call Just now.
Speaker 3:She said Brandon. I did say Brandon. I don't know why I said that. Shout out to.
Speaker 2:Brandon. Brandon is actually one of my friends.
Speaker 3:Mr Camaro.
Speaker 2:No, that's not his name. I told you what's the best lesson a past relationship taught you.
Speaker 3:Damn.
Speaker 2:Sorry, you ready for that one, joe, sorry, sorry, I can change it. What's the worst tics to get in the early stages of dating or talking to someone? So, Pete, which one do you want to ask the worst text?
Speaker 3:I can say later, like when y'all actually are dating, the worst text to get is like a middle of the night, I love you text, because that means they just did something In the beginning. They just did something. You ain't lying, CJ.
Speaker 2:That means they just did something. They take you in the middle of the night. I love you, or something. Oh, they did something. Yeah, they did something. Yes, he ain't lying. Oh, everything he ain't lying.
Speaker 3:You might as well hang it up with me you might as well. Don't even Boy.
Speaker 1:Boy, that's crazy work, no, that's so true, that's crazy. You ain't never got.
Speaker 2:They good you ain't never got. They're good you ain't never got. That I'm telling you, that's the worst test, like saying y'all like three, four months in.
Speaker 3:y'all ain't really. Y'all ain't fresh, but like y'all fresh, yeah that random like let it be from like one like 12, one. I was just thinking about you. I love you. It kick rocks, it kick rocks.
Speaker 1:It kick rocks.
Speaker 2:I get it and then I be like I wake up sometimes, I be like what you doing?
Speaker 3:Oh, I just went to the restaurant, like you know what.
Speaker 1:I'm saying Like it's, it's kind of Crazy work.
Speaker 3:Bruh, I'm telling you, bruh, it's deviant. And then it's like no matter, like who it is, or like it be a whole nother person. You get it, your thought gonna go there. You, we ain't just getting these thoughts for no reason dang you right bro.
Speaker 1:I never thought about that yeah, that's crazy work yeah oh man is that degree, I think so I. I'm gonna go on the flip side early, too early text to get uh would be where you at oh early, oh, it's too early. It's too early to be.
Speaker 3:Ask me where I'm at Like are they just Trying to like, say, like what are you doing?
Speaker 1:Or like yeah, yeah yeah, we're kind of Trying to get A gaze On you, yeah, like early on. No, bro, you ain't made it there yet, so yeah, would you ever get Somebody's name tatted.
Speaker 3:No, hell, no. So Dr Mrs Gray Can't go.
Speaker 1:No, no, I ain't never.
Speaker 3:Doing that Okay.
Speaker 1:Cause she just Mined for the moment.
Speaker 3:Your wife.
Speaker 1:She just Mined for the moment, bro, do you not know? People get divorced. Oh my god, wait a minute, we're not getting married To get divorced. Jesus, how many people you know. We ain't gotta go into it, but the divorce rate is crazy.
Speaker 2:It is. It is but now.
Speaker 1:You know why it's dying down now? Because people not even getting married, people just being single. So but nah, I don't think. No names, no names.
Speaker 3:You would See when people you have. When them people Nah, when people have them conversations, I just be quiet. I would get somebody To name tag it on me, or like I'd do the little cute, little Like say, instead of getting Like a ring.
Speaker 1:I'd just get a ring tag.
Speaker 3:I think that's dope the ring tag's dope, but it gotta be A one and done, cause you can't Really cover that up.
Speaker 2:You cannot cover that up. But you'll get a name Cause you can cover it up.
Speaker 3:Who me? I love tattoos.
Speaker 2:I'll get the name.
Speaker 3:I probably wouldn't Cover it up Like if we start talking I'll just tell somebody that my cousin had died or something.
Speaker 2:Oh, that's crazy.
Speaker 3:You know what I'm saying Put a fake date, put the date we start talking right there, so they'll believe it. Dang oh Okay. Like people think my grandma. It's either Alabama A or I think it's a girl Initial, but it's really my grandma. So like Hmm, yeah, dope.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, no names getting tatted.
Speaker 3:You won't get a name either. Hell, no, would you get a matching tattoo?
Speaker 2:I would get a matching. I have two matching tattoos With my sister, so yeah, no, I'm talking about With your person.
Speaker 3:I know what you're saying. So you'll get a matching, but you won't get.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but it ain't going to be no names in the matcha tag. It's going to be something else, like a photo like a picture or something.
Speaker 3:You want a name right here. You want it on the finger, no All right.
Speaker 1:I guess we need to take this podcast out. Cj, tell everybody where they can find you, bro.
Speaker 3:Once again, my name is CJ bro, but everybody call me Big C. You can find me at Big C's on all social media platforms. Social media platforms Cool.
Speaker 1:Hey, renee, you wanna tell them when they can find us.
Speaker 2:Yes, y'all can find us On TikTok, at good, bad, gray, and on YouTube and Instagram At the good, the bad and the gray. Yes, sir. And y'all can actually Also follow our Sub brand. Well, it's not sub brand, but our affiliate Wellness and athletics.
Speaker 3:Wellness and athletics? Absolutely yes, sir, I ain't got it on today.
Speaker 2:I went sleeveless today, but normally I wear it every day.
Speaker 1:Yeah, definitely like share. Subscribe guys. Appreciate you guys for listening. Send in your questions. If you do have any, feel free Any questions. We'll try to answer those on each episode and other than that, we out, we out, Bye.
